Roto Players Will Know

For anyone who has ever played Rotisserie baseball you know that Opening Day is a sacred moment. Its that first real day when you get to see how smart you were on draft day, make ridiculous assumptions about your team and go into a frenzy about that one player you drafted for 37 dollars and sucked it up big time. I wrote this fun email to my league in response to those feelings. Because isn't this what we're all thinking?

Message: It's time to dump.

After yesterday, it has become very clear to me that I can't make a run at the title so I'm starting early this year. It's time to dump. I know. I know. Your saying "what?" It April. But think about it. You have to start some time. Why not now? If I dump now, I'm sure to get ahead of the game and every other player who wondered why the guy who he spent 37 dollars on went 0-4 or had a 7.34 ERA.

If you really think about it, its easy at this point in the season to still get you to focus on last season stats before my star player goes into stats hell or blows out his arm and becomes untradeable. I know, I'm a forward thinker.

And...I won't have to spend endless hours this season looking at seventeen different roto services trying to find that one key player that will turn my team into a contender. Which makes me really wonder what I do on Saturday mornings while my lawn grows two feet tall. Damn, is it spring already?

But still...it's April. I know. But think about all the time I'm saving that I could be spending with my kids. Think about all the time I could be working on the next great American novel that I've been thinking about for at least fifteen years. Think about all the conversations I won't have to have as my wife tries to pull me away from the computer to come to bed, but I won't because the waiver deadline is coming up.

You see, the truth of the matter is, I'm a good roto player, but I'm not a great roto player. The best I've done is 2nd, and that was 9 years ago. I know Roloff is not with us this year and that increases my chances about 3% but I don't know if I'm willing to give it a shot anymore. I've decided it time to come to my senses and work towards next years draft.

So, everyone's available. Send all offers.

Jonathan

PS: Just in case you were really wondering, yes this was a joke.

Isn't baseball great?