The Father's Love

This morning I woke up to my son's feet in my back. Whenever my wife is out of town my son likes to sleep in my bed and he always sleeps sideways. He has to be touching me as if I'm his comfort blanket. He woke up before me and began sitting on top of me telling me he wanted to go downstairs for juice and his favorite Spiderman show. I got up thinking this morning was just like any other. It almost wasn't.

My two daughters were still sleeping, so I thought, and I wanted to close their doors so the sound of the television wouldn't wake them up. Amber was fast asleep so I closed her door. I looked in McKenna's room and she wasn't there. I assumed she was downstairs already.

Carter and I walked downstairs and I proceeded to pour him his juice and put on Spiderman. He tucked himself under the blanket and watched his favorite show. But then I realized that McKenna wasn't downstairs. I assumed she was in the bathroom or something. No big deal.

I went upstairs to find her and checked her room again. I had that feeling inside of me that she had to be somewhere and there was no worry, at this point. When I checked her room she wasn't there. I checked my room to see if she had crawled into my bed, which she has done before. She wasn't there. I tried not to let the fear get to me, except there was one important fact I was suddenly aware of. I had not locked the doors to the back door last night. I rationalized the fear with the realization that if someone entered the house during the night, Kipper, my dog would have barked instantly. He just does that.

I quickly ran around the house checking everywhere. I ran outside. I checked the back, the front, the garage, everywhere. And then for that one split second it hit me. What would it mean to lose my daughter? What would it mean to me not to have her by my side? The sudden thought gripped me. I was not ready for that.

I continued to check the house, now looking in the cupboards, crevices, and under the beds. Amber was now awake and I didn't want to scare her but I was now calling out McKenna's name. She didn't answer. I didn't like the fear.

Amber began to help me but as I checked each little crack in the house, in the showers, places we had played hide and go seek, I couldn't help but process what it would mean to lose my daughter.

Then I went back into her room and there she was, in her bed. The fear left me, now rushes of joy swept into my heart. She was found. I think she was playing an April Fool's joke on me, not realizing it was the 2nd of April. I held her for a minute or two allowing the fear to leave me.

After thinking about it, I was struck by the thought of how God must feel when we leave him. When we choose to walk away into the hands of the world. I was aware of the lost coin, the lose sheep, and the Prodigal Son. How the Father must have felt to lose his precious child. I realized that there is no way he could ever NOT miss us. There is no way his heart could do anything but grieve. That is the way a Father is built. To love his child.

It also made me realize that my Father could never not love me. There was no way I could not love McKenna. It's just not possible. I'm just not built that way. Maybe my Father was trying to teach me that he loves me more than I give him credit for. Thanks You Father.