Trusting Days

I just spent Easter week on a road trip with my family. The purpose of the trip was to take a vacation, see the sights and end up in Spokane to evaluate the idea of moving there for my PhD. The trip was awesome to say the least. An RV can be a daunting experience, cramped, and never enough time out of the cabin but this was not the case for us. For the first 9 of the 11 days we enjoyed awesome weather that allowed us to get out and see the sites. Seattle was beautiful and so was Coeur D'Alene.

But then there was that little stop in Spokane. Remember I have nothing against Spokane. I am currently attending Gonzaga but through the online program. I went there in January for my residency requirement and I had a lot of fun. But, I didn't really get to see anything outside of the school. My hotel was right next to downtown and the River Park is beautiful, even in the winter.

As we drove into Spokane, we made our way to the school. I wanted to show my family where I was attending and let them get a first taste of the city. It was nice and I felt like I was really enjoying being back in school. It was fun showing off my school to my children. Students were out in the courtyard practicing rugby and the weather was nice. It was a good start.

But then I made the mistake of driving to our RV Park which was not in the best of neighborhoods. We drove down 3rd street and I could instantly tell my wife was not liking the city. I have three kids and security is important to her, as its important to any parent. And she was not secure. The RV Park was actually nice and we met some great people, but as we drove around town I could see my dream of getting my Ph.D. at Gonzaga go down the tubes.

See the point of this story is not that Spokane is a bad city, or that the trip turned bad. Both of those are untrue. Spokane is a great city. A lot of people have told me that it is awesome, and I have to admit we only saw much of the city center. We drove to South Hill to look at houses, and it reminded me of Willow Glen in San Jose about twenty years ago. Spokane is a sleepy little town and I think it wants to be that way.

The point of this story is that as we drove towards Coeur D'Alene the next day, it was as if I was driving away from what I had expected my future to be. I knew that my wife was not into the idea of moving there. As we spoke over the next couple of days, she confirmed this. Something inside of her just couldn't do it. She had become aware over the drive how far she would be from family and she needed certain things to be able to make the move. Spokane just wasn't it.

I wrestled with the emotions that emerge when a dream I had lived with for several months went traveling in a different direction. I had built a story, told my friends, made commitments, looked for a job. This was supposed to be my direction and here it was going some place I didn't expect.

And then it dawned on me that I had narrowed my view. I had assumed that Spokane was the end when it quite possibly wasn't. I haven't ruled out Spokane, but the likelihood is less so since the trip. As I watched my future go a different direction I realized that it was possible that my Father had other plans for me.

I had to make a decision at that moment to do one of two things. I could fight it and try and talk my wife into Spokane, but it occurred to me that this would be an uphill fight and my future wouldn't be there with me. Or, I could let go of my perception and follow my future in a different direction.

I don't believe that I won't get another degree, or my Ph.D. As I step back and lean towards a new direction I realize that as in the past, my Father may have something better in mind.

So what was the point of the Spokane exercise then. Why get all geared up and send me in that direction. I believe what it did was get me to think outside of my box and cause me to see where my heart wanted to go. I want to find some blend of teaching, education, spiritual development, and business.

These are trusting days, and as I ponder a new direction, I'm not scared. I'm very aware for the first time, that following my Father means going in directions that are unfamiliar, but ultimately they will be fulfilling to my heart. I know now that he really does love me. I know that he has something better for me. And if I don't let that go, I'll miss what is perfect for me.

Here we go!!