Wonderland

I Have A New Blog

2008-02-24T10:13:00.000-08:00

Friends,

I no longer post at this blog. You can find my new blog Missio Dei here.

Much Love

Jonathan

A Son Misses His Dad

2007-08-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

I have a son this age. It made me realize the cost of war.

My Personality

2007-08-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

This was fun.

One.org - Fighting Extreme Poverty

2007-08-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

One.org, which I am a compassionate advocate of, commissioned the Vote '08 campaign campaign to address global inequities in health and standard of living. The findings have been released and are interesting. Fighting extreme poverty matters to just about everyone.

Some of the data:

- There is bipartisan support for Presidential candidates who support measures to improve disease prevention, reduce hunger and improve education.

The majority of both Republicans (62%) and Democrats (77%) would be more likely to support a candidate who supports saving 15,000 lives a day by fighting the world’s most devastating diseases including HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. Similarly, the majority of both Republicans (60%) and Democrats (76%) would also be more likely to support a candidate who supports reducing by half the number of people in the world who suffer from hunger and live in extreme poverty, which would mean 300 million less hungry people each year. Additionally, 54% of Republicans and 75% of Democrats would be more likely to support a candidate who supports providing greater access to primary education for 77 million children who are not in school with a special emphasis on girls.

The majority of Republicans (52%) and Democrats (80%) also supports new approaches to how the United States provides foreign assistance, such as increasing micro-credit to help people start small businesses, and doing more to eliminate corruption to make sure the economies of developing nations thrive and that help goes to the people most in need. In short, members affiliated with both parties (73% Democrats / 62% Republicans) would be more likely to support a candidate who supports increased investments in foreign assistance programs and working with other countries to strengthen national security.

(Source here)

It's nice to see that a tide is turning. We really can be the first generation to end extreme poverty.

The Soundtrack of My Life

2007-08-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

I am part of a men's group that is focusing on missional discipleship. Part of the process is listening to our own story. To engage this we each went back and created a CD of songs that helped tell the story of our lives. We could only choose 13 songs and each had to tell a story. The process was fascinating to say the least.

I first started with about 40 songs that really meant something to me, songs that I would listen to if I were stranded on an island. And then I began the strange process of really asking which songs were part of my journey. Which songs really meant something?

Here's the final list.

- Born On The Bayou (Creedance Clearwater Revival) This is the first song I can remember in my life. My parents used to take us on an long drive to Los Angeles to see my grandparents in the back of a VW station wagon. My parents had an 8 track of their music and we wore it out.

- Back In Black (AC/DC) This is the first real rock album I remember listening to. I can remember listening to it for the first time in my cousin Hugh's bedroom on an old album player. This was the best song on the album and has stuck with me over time.

- Don't Stop Believing (Journey) My sister and I used to travel 40 minutes to high school in her old Monza. She had a killer stereo and we used to sing this song at the top of our lungs. One of the most inspirational songs ever.

- Alive and Kicking (Simple Minds) This song got me through high school. I reminded me not to give up and that I was still here.

- Shout (Tears For Fears) Another anthem song that we used to shout at the top of our lungs on the way to ski trips to Tahoe. I can remember the road trips with Glenn and Tim and the constant need to rewind the song on the tape player.

- Been Caught Stealing (Jane's Addiction) This song represents the period in my life when I threw caution to the wind. Mostly in Los Angeles. The dark period. Lots of mind bending substances. But a killer sound.

- Let Love Rule (Lenny Kravitz) The beginning of my redemption period and journey back to wholeness. I've listened to this song at least a thousand times. It's the simplest way way to speak the Gospel.

- Brother (Alice In Chains) This was the song that marked my dark night of the soul. I was listening to this song when I overdosed on LSD. Not a fun night, but it became an important part of my journey.

- August 30th (Delirious) There are many songs that were an important part of my journey of redemption, but this one stands above the rest. It is my redemption song. It speaks to my soul in a way that few songs can reminding me that my Father will always love me.

- Alive (P.O.D.) When I first heard this song I realized that I had captured the very essence of what it meant to believe. This song is drenched in life and the recognition of what it means to be alive.

- One Love (Mary J. Blidge/U2) I heard this song (about 40 times) in Italy the week it came out. It was on heavy rotation on MTV Italy. The best cover of a U2 song ever. Pure Gospel. It spoke to me in way that
I cannot describe. Love is the only way.

- Holy Spirit (Nate Sallie) This song is one of the best worship songs EVER, from my perspective. It is gospel, epic, glorious and real, all at the same time.

Reading this list reminds me that I'm on a journey, and a great one.

So what's on your list?

My new Blog - Missio Dei

2007-07-26T10:18:00.001-07:00

When I started this blog I began with an interest in exploring what it means to love. This blog has in essence become my journal of that exploration process. To be honest, it is mostly for me and my musings. I have for the most part avoided the conversation of the church for good reason. I wanted to explore love here, not jsut theology or missiology. But in reading other people's blogs I realized that those conversations are important to me. So I have begun a new blog that will focus on Missio Dei. The purpose is to explore what it means to engage God's Mission of Restoration. Within this context I can explore love but also a much larger context of His mission.

Check it out here.

The Need to Impress

2007-07-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here doing some work and was listening to Sanctus Real, I'm Not Alright. Great song.

If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of,
Then cool is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune-I only wanna be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I'm not alright
I'm broken inside, broken inside
And all i go thru
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

The line, "Can I lose my need to impress" struck me. We're always looking for the validation of the self in those who can't handle that responsibility and typically not in our Heavenly Father who can.

What's Your Dead Body Worth?

2007-07-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

This is just funny.

$4875.00

A Great Man

2007-07-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Makeesha for pointing this out to me. This is the story of Norman Borlaug, a man you never knew of but absolutely should.

Click here for story.

When Jesus said love your neighbor, this guy took it seriously and now he has a lot of neighbors.

The Dare

2007-07-13T00:07:00.000-07:00

I was at a site recently that asked me to give my favorite quote. Well I have a new favorite quote. It's from Brennan Manning, who is quoting God.

"I dare you trust that I love you just as you are and not as you should be."

What I Really Want

2007-07-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

Brennan Manning simple, little speech has really gotten me to think. It's making me ask what I really want in life. And what I really, really, really want is to get past the question, "Does God love me?" I want to live in the reality that his love is ever present no matter the circumstance. I want to know that space of trust that says, "Yep, my daddy loves me. Not even a question." I want to know what it means to move beyond this simple question and into the space of being love fully.

My wound in life was the loss of my father. And yet as I write this I realize that for the first time I am writing "was". Maybe God is reaching into my heart with a subtle whisper, "The time has come to let it go." The time has come for me to move beyond that identity and into the one he has been waiting to give me for so long.

The One Question

2007-07-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

I've read a few of Brennan Manning's books. The best was Ruthless Trust. I came across this presentation he gave at Woodcrest. He asks a provocative question in the short video. What is the one question God will ask us when we meet him.

True Majority

2007-07-07T00:43:00.000-07:00

This is a provocative demonstration of our nuclear arsenal stockpile.

Click here to view.

A Child Can Love

2007-07-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while and I miss it. But I want to recount something that made me think about the journey of love and that even a child can love.

Recently I joined a friend in serving at a soup kitchen. My family has been talking about this for a long time and the opportunity finally came up. The kitchen is called "The Upper Room". It serves low income families in the Placerville area. Anyone can come and they provide a fairly good hot meal and a second take home meal for anyone that wants one. I talked to my wife about it and we made the decision to take my children and allow them the opportunity to love with us. My children are 5, 8, and 10 so it was somewhat of a risk but we both felt that they could handle it. We'd at least give it one shot and see what happened.

On the way to the kitchen my son fell asleep in the car. Normally this isn't a big deal but he doesn't wake up very easily and usually needs 10-15 minutes to really wake up. Wake him up early and he's not happy. We got there and there were more people to help than there were people waiting to eat. To be honest I didn't want to cause any stir so I politely offered to go home and fill in next time. But it was obvious God wanted us there. My friend Brandon insisted we stay and he was actually a little frustrated because we were told this was the day to help. Somebody forgot to tell someone something.

We ended up staying and basically it was a little crazy Volunteers were looking for opportunities and it still felt a little crowded. As things began to hum, my wife and I stood back and held my son who was not still not happy and watched our two daughters light up. Something inside of them rose to the occasion and they were awesome. They loved it.

What was interesting is that it normally would have been very easy for them to find their child moments and complain about this or that. From the moment we walked into the door until bedtime, they were different people. They had connected to love by giving love.

My wife and I were simply astounded at the change in their demeanor, which most of the time is good but this was exceptional. And later I spoke with a good friend who said the exact same thing happened with his children (7,10).

This last week I was out of town but my wife went anyway, without me. The exact same thing happened. It was not a fluke. Yes, even a child can love.

The Tipping Point of My Generation

2007-05-26T01:24:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I forget that if I eat anything remotely containing caffeine I can't fall asleep. So I inevitably end up downstairs in my underwear watching late night television. VH1 was the choice tonight, mostly because nothing else seemed interesting. I ended up watching the video "If Everyone Cared" by Nickleback. It's a really interesting video that reminded me that something has awakened in our generation.

We've seen artists highlight ideas about poverty, Aids, etc, but for some reason the song made me ask a different question. Have we reached a Tipping Point in our culture where something different has emerged. I keep seeing musicians, who are always the poets of any generation, bring up new ideas of mercy and grace. I saw it in My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park, and now Nickleback.

What if we have reached a tipping point? What if something has changed that will leave us with a different path to follow? What if our generation has discovered something that will produce a different world? It is possible.

Love in Atlanta - William and Ben

2007-05-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

I was in Atlanta recently for a conference on culture. I got there a day early and was able to spend time in the downtown area, seeing MLK's memorial (wow). I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by the people of Atlanta. They were some of the nicest people I've met.

But I want to share my experience with two people in particular that I met while I was there. Both meetings happened late at night near the Tabernacle. After the first night of the conference I left a little early to go back to my room and sleep. I had to take the train and asked for direction from a guy named Ben. He was more than happy to help me and then proceeded to walk me to the train station. As we talked, it was obvious that he was homeless and was "escorting" me. I was in his neighborhood and he was protecting me. He was my friend. As we walked, something in side of me said to trust Ben with the direction he was taking me. We walked through several areas that put me at risk and to be honest I had my moments of fear inside. But along the way I began to see that Ben really was protecting me. This was his world and he was respected. We had one of the best conversations I had while in Atlanta.

As we arrived at the train station Ben guided me past the entrance and to a side street. I chose to follow him and just keep walking. We turned left and down a street towards a group of homeless people who were gathered on the sidewalk. I knew that if something was going to happen this was it. But something inside said, "trust him." I'm not gonna lie. My sense of fear was palpable. But I continued to walk with him. We passed through the group and again, they were all of his friends, and he was my guide. I began to realize that he was actually my protection.

We turned the final corner to a second entrance to the station. I realized that Ben had become Jesus for me. He smiled and asked for some help. I grabbed whatever bill was in my pocket and handed it to him. I looked at him and smiled knowing that I was standing with Jesus at that moment.

The next night I took a different station back to my room and ran into William. He also was homeless and was sitting in a wheelchair. He had no legs. I stopped to talk with him simply because something in me said to. I grabbed what paper was in my wallet and stuffed it into the bucket he had. Something in me said to simply talk with him. I then spent 20 minutes just listening to him. He did most of the talking and was surprisingly animated. And then it hit me.

I need these conversations. I need people like William and Ben in my life who remind me of love, who show me Jesus. I need people who take me out of my comfort zone and stretch me into a different life, one that is not stuck in complacency. I need moments to be reminded that my greatest ability to love is simply to listen and recognize the value of individuals that are put in my life. I got to see Jesus in Atlanta and he was awesome.

Thank you William and Ben.

Q Conference Afterthoughts - 2

2007-04-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

Thursday

I recognize that on Thursday I was somewhat hung over from thinking so much. I was still on California time so getting up at what was 5 AM for me made it harder to be in the moment. But I gave it my best shot. The following are what stood out to me.

David Kinnaman, who is President of the Barna Group shared with the audience the initial findings about how the world sees Christianity. It was honestly sad to hear how we show up to people. They don't see us as people who are defined by love, but as people who are defined by judgment. That made me sad.

Andy Stanley shared about the value of impacting culture. I've never seen Andy before, but I loved his simplicity and style.

Shayne Wheeler, from All Souls Fellowship, and Chris Seay presented a great conversation on homosexuality. And this is when I got sad. Why is it so hard for people to love people who are homosexuals? Yesterday I was reading the verse in John 8 about the adulterous woman, and if Jesus showed up today, I think he'd probably choose someone who is homosexual. What are we afraid of? This conversation dominated the afternoon breakouts, and there was serious arguments that happened in the Q&A session afterwords. I don't get it. Are we going to change people's hearts with condemnation or love?

Sadly, at this point I was almost done thinking. The next three presenters spoke on the environment and I was not all there. I was worn down but liked what they said. I firmly believe in the stewardship of the environment, but nothing new hit me.

Jon Passavant from Model Home Project was really cool. He connected his friends in the modeling world to the simple act of love and this caught my attention. I met Jon afterwards and he was very genuine. I appreciated his honesty and love for God.

I ended up taking the trip to CNN, which was interesting but nothing special. I had assumed we would be meeting with people from CNN, but it was just a tour. Had I known this I would probably have taken the tour through the High Museum.

Rob Bell spoke that evening on the Eucharist. I've heard this idea from Rob at the Isn't She Beautiful conference and it was nice to hear him reiterate it. He was in such a sassy mood and I love that about him.

I went to bed and exhausted.

Friday

Today was held in the Fox Theater. I love Gabe's choices for sites. Both were very artistic and gave the gatherings an art feel to them. Nicely done.

Sadly, I just didn't get James Emory White or Clint Kemp. Nothing hit me and I found myself wandering. This may have been from my lack of sleep or being worn out. I also felt that the 3 minutes segment, where people shared their ideas was anticlimactic. Nothing hit me.

And then Rick McKinley spoke. I have to say that I love Rick for a lot of reasons. One is that he had helped me to understand what repentance can truly be through various methods and sermons. I love his simplicity and humility. He's a rock star that doesn't care that he's a rock star. He's rather be hanging with the homeless than sharing the spotlight. His message was simply to give away power, that within congregations are people who want to love and need to be released. He asked some really great "what if..." questions.

I said earlier that I think it was divine providence that he got bumped to Friday and I'll share why. I met a friend, Dr. David, at the conference and we were lamenting that it was sad that we all got together in this one place and weren't taking away or participating in some shared initiative together. There was a tremendous amount of influence in that room. Perhaps the ability to influence 100,000 or more and yet we were leaving disconnected. We had idea but there was no initiative. Rick perhaps provided that initiative. He shared how he was working on the Advent Conspiracy. It's a project to take the vast amount of money we waste on Christmas and solve the world's clean water problem. I instantly knew that I was on board.

I left Q knowing I'm coming back next year. Gabe said it would likely be in New York, which would give me a great reason to come back to NY. Love that city.

Initial Q Afterthoughts

2007-04-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting at the Atlanta Airport thinking about Fermiproject’s Q conference. This is the first real opportunity I have taken to download my thoughts and take a look at what I’m really leaving here with.

Wednesday

Q was held in an old Tabernacle next to CNN. The location was awesome and really was inspiring for progressive thought. Whenever I looked around I felt like I was in a rock concert slash think tank. Each session was only 18 minutes, which created a rapid fire thought process. If a great idea came around, we didn’t have much time to think about it or we would miss the next presenter’s ideas.

What stood out to me?

For me, this was the best day in terms of new ideas and thoughts, which is like saying chocolate ice cream is better than chocolate chip ice cream. They’re both good. But my clear favorite was Catherine Rohr, with Prison Entrepreneurship Program (PEP). This is clear one of the most brilliant ideas I’ve heard in a long time. Catherine’s group restores prisoners by selecting the natural leaders in prisons, restores their dignity, loves them, and then prepares them for business when they get out. They’ve never had someone return to prison and the dropout rate was I believe 3%. To me Catherine was Jesus because she took a risk to love the unlovable. I dig that.

Andy Crouch broke down trends in culture and how we process culture. He helped language that process. It kind of felt like someone who helps you realize what you’ve always known but never had the words to describe it. He broke them down into postures over the last forty years (or so). First we condemned culture. Then we critiqued culture. Then we copied culture, and then we consumed culture. Each posture was simply an attempt to deal with how culture shows up. He then did something I really liked. He gave us a holistic approach to posture as people who love: create and cultivate culture, which is a reflection of our Father. Nice.

Rick McKinley, from Imago Dei, was supposed to be speaking today, but for some reason, which ended up being divine, he got pushed to Friday. More on that in a little bit.

Kevin Kelley spoke on the future. He was the former editor of Wired Magazine. I’ve never heard of Kevin but he helped encapsulate culture in a unique way. But one thing he said that struck me was the population growth will not continue. In fact, we will see it decline dramatically over the next generations. This caught everyone by surprise.

Donald Miller was as humorous and funny as he always is. But I’ve heard most of his presentation of narrative through articles and podcasts so it wasn’t new. It still was a joy to see him. He did have the most humorous moment of the conference that I think helped lighten the spirit of a leader’s conference, which can often get intense. The Q group chose to use a clock, which counted down to zero. At zero it pulsated, almost like it was coming out at you. So imagine for a second, two large zeroes pulsating, and Donald said, “My time is up. The boob’s are flashing.” Everyone laughed. Thank you so much for the humor Don. I love you for that.

Blake Mycoskie, from Tom’s shoes told his story, and if you don’t know about this guy, you should. It’s very simple. If you buy a pair of his shoes, he’ll give one to someone else for free. It’s that simple.

I’ve never heard or seen Chris Seay, but what he said caught everyone in the stomach. His conversation was passionate and somewhat angry, (which may have just been lunch) which made me wonder what other conversation’s he had about this. His point was that as a culture we are consumers, which was validated by data. No one could move or ignore what he was saying. At the end of the session we had a breakout to discuss how we could spend less. And the two guys next to me were stunned. It was clear this was a tough topic to look at. Chris’s point was that if we took a small portion of the money we spend frivolously at Christmas we could solve (yes solve) the world’s clean water problem. Think about that. What if we as a church got together to solve the world water problem? And this is why God pushed Rick McKinley to the end. You’ll see why later.

I got to meet David Batstone, from NotForSale campaign, which I’ve blogged about. He was extremely gracious and passionate about what he was doing. Human trafficking was a thick topic at this conference and I loved learning more about it.

If you’re getting the gist that the people just keep coming, realize that we’ve barely gotten past lunch at this point. It was almost too much to be honest. But I loved it anyway. It forced me to think and rethink, and rethink again.

Jeff Johnson gave a fiery dialog on the hip-hop culture. It was really cool to hear the true origins of hip-hop and how it all started. He did say that hip-hop was representative of the disenfranchised, But I thought Jeff missed an opportunity to connect everyone to a deeper point and that hip-hop is representative of the oppressed, the disenfranchised, people that we all are. Unless I misinterpreted him, which is always possible.

The highlight of the evening, which felt like the crown jewel of the day, was getting a private acoustic concert from Jon Foreman from Switchfoot. We got to hear a song he had never played before and was so beautiful. It felt like a great honor to hear him play.

I honestly went to bed numb. I’ll process Thursday when I get home.

Q Thoughts

2007-04-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

We had coffee and dessert with a bunch of people after the evening session of the Q conference. There were six of us and we talked about what hit each of us. At a typical conference each person will have one thing that really stood out to them. A lot of the times, it is the same thing. What is interesting about this conference is that everyone had something different. It was like a firehose of thought and questions; ideas streaming at you all day long. That is why I came. To engage.

When I get home I will process more of each person.

Q Conference

2007-04-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

I am at Fermiproject's Q conference right now. It has been an absolutely engaging experience listening to everyone present. The list of people is a whose who of speakers. (Andy Stanley, Rick McKinley, Rick Warren, Rob Bell, Chris Seay, Mike Foster, and more) It's been awesome. I'm in the CNN building right now waiting to tour the media giant.

The most interesting thing coming out of the conference is this idea of asking better questions, which the speakers are engaging us to do. I love it. I told my wife over the phone that this is the conversation that I need. I need people engaging my mind with new ideas and new thoughts. I'm an artist at heart, like my Father and I need new ideas.

More to come tonight after the tour.

Throught for the Day

2007-04-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Found this today:

“Christianity started out in Palestine as a fellowship; it moved to Greece and became a philosophy; it moved to Italy and became an institution; it moved to Europe and became a culture; it came to America and became an enterprise.”

Sam Pascoe

Love As A Checkout Boy

2007-04-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

This is honestly one of the coolest stories I have ever heard. So often we think we can't make a difference. But we can. All it takes is love.

What Love Looks Like In Darfur

2007-04-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

This is a letter I received from Oxfam President Raymond Offenheiser. Maybe this is our opportunity to experience loving someone.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Darfur has been on our minds for far too long.

Despite the world's attention, the situation continues to deteriorate. Violence is mounting, making relief work more dangerous, and the sheer scale of the crisis is almost incomprehensible – four million people now rely on outside aid.

But Oxfam's help is getting through. We are assisting 530,000 people, providing vital clean water, building latrines, and distributing water buckets, soap, ground sheets and blankets. Your immediate support will enable us to meet the growing challenges in Darfur and Chad.

Click here to make a donation and allow us to step up our response to the Darfur crisis.

I want to give you a picture of what's happening on the ground, where Oxfam's relief teams are struggling against violence to provide immediate aid.

Darfur has become more lawless and volatile than ever. In the first two months of 2007, more than 80,000 more people fled the ongoing violence. Many of these people have had to flee for the second, third or even fourth time as they desperately seek refuge and protection.

Humanitarian workers and operations are being targeted on an almost daily basis. Vehicles are being hijacked and robbed; staff assaulted and intimidated while carrying out their work; and offices broken into and looted.

Oxfam is one of the few aid agencies working in all three states in Darfur and in neighboring Chad. The violence means we need your help more than ever – you can still make a difference.

And in addition to providing immediate lifesaving supplies like water and shelter, Oxfam is there for the long haul. Our hygiene education and mosquito spraying programs are helping prevent the spread of disease in the crowded camps, and we are introducing new stove technology that is reducing the time women need to spend at the dangerous task of gathering wood. Meanwhile, we are advocating for increased pressure on all parties to the conflict to stop attacks on civilians, stop targeting humanitarian workers and operations, and make meaningful efforts to return to the political process.

Much has been given, but much more is needed. You can help. The more donations we receive, the stronger our ability to bring aid to the innocent people who desperately need it.

Please donate to the Sudan Crisis Relief and Rehabilitation Fund now.

We can't forget our promises to the people of Darfur. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Raymond C. Offenheiser
President
Oxfam America

What I've Done

2007-04-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

I think Linkin Park is one of the most influential bands of the last ten years for a lot of reasons. They have a new album coming out May 15th. It's called "Minutes To Midnight." The first single is a song titled, "What I've Done." Nice.

Here are the lyrics

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For What I’ve Done

I'll start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.

Forgiving What I’ve Done.

Only the children got it

2007-04-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

In our every day lives how often do we stop and smell the roses? This is the question a researcher asked recently. He took "one of the finest classical musicians in the world, playing some of the most elegant music ever written on one of the most valuable violins ever made" and put him in a Washington Metro station to see who would listen. The hypothesis was that people would stop and notice, taking in the beauty and respond by giving handsomely to the artist for his art.

No one noticed.

Only a handful of people stopped, with one exception: the children. "Every single time a child walked past, he or she tried to stop and watch. and every single time, a parent scooted the kid away."

Maybe children get it better than we do because we're so intent on getting somewhere. Maybe children realize that to do so is to miss all the beauty along the way. Or maybe they haven't bought into the confused mass appeal of the games we play that have devastating consequence.

Why did we lose so much of our focus on beauty? Why don't we stop and take in the beauty of the music that is there but often drowned out by the noise in our lives? My only hope is that I would be one of those who stopped.

Here's to 40

2007-04-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

Scholars say 40 is a magical number. The number has so many representations in Scripture that it's significance is deeply noted. Noah first spent 40 days and 40 nights in rain that almost ended humanity. Israel spent 40 years in the wilderness looking for an alternative to the future God had already given them. Jesus fasted for 40 days before beginning his ministry. These are significant events in the story. They have meaning.

40 seems to be about cleansing, about purification and finding something deeper in the story. For Noah, it was cleansing the world from evil. For Israel, it was a purification of faith. For Jesus it was about finding reliance on His Father.

Yesterday I turned 40. I've now spent 40 years in this thing called life. I've spent 40 years in this world, twisting and turning the corners of life. I've enjoyed a lot of it. I've discovered the love of a good woman. I've known the bliss of my children. I've seen the heights and depths of friendship and community. I've known the joy of finding my calling in life and experienced it's pleasures. I've known the love of my Heavenly Father that astounds me. I've seen the Sistine Chapel, Central Park, Wrigley Park and the Botticelli's Primavera. I've read the Bible, Good to Great, No Future Without Forgiveness and Blue Like Jazz. I've tasted great wine, and enjoyed the world best Tacos. I've met great people and served some of finest human beings that still live on the streets. Life has been full of wonders and my heart has enjoyed so many of them.

I've missed out on a lot too. I was too scared during my teens to really enjoy my friends and discover what made them so great. I missed out on a stepfather that loved me more than I ever knew. I didn't get to play professional sports, even though I'm OK with that. I've never seen the seven wonders of the world. I've never been to the Alps. I still want to see the Great Barrier Reef, the Eiffel Tower, the Wailing Wall, and the Great Wall. I want to live to see my grandchildren and love them with a lasting legacy of hope and freedom to love. I want to find my Calcutta and show those who are lost that they are still part of God's creation and are deeply important to this world.

A lot of my friends have told me that 40 is when they began to settle into their shoes, enjoying the person they have become, as if the first 40 seemed to burn away the remnants of incompleteness. At 40 they discovered how much they had worried about the wrong things, and now could focus on the right things. At 40 they suddenly discovered that life really was about family and people and community. It wasn't about the stuff they could accumulate.

So here's to 40. I raise my glass to this magical number and hope that I can live up to the billing.

A Glorious Moment

2007-04-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

I just want to draw attention to this moment in history. After spending so many years stuck in mediocrity in my fantasy baseball league (it has been almost five years since I've cracked the top five), I'm now sitting in first place. I'm enjoying this moment, the view from up here. It's good. It's fertile. The soil is so rich. People are throwing large dollar bills at me and the women are all beautiful. The sky is always blue and the champagne actually tastes good. So this is what all of you spend countless hours in front of your computer screens for, searching out the latest stats on the guy who hit .300 in AAA. I now see why you lose sleep. As God himself said, "It is very good."

Wait. What is that sound?

What? The ground is slipping out from under me. What do you mean Glavine's arm fell off? He's 10 from 300. What do you mean Gary Matthew's Jr got indicted? That was not supposed to happen. What do you mean Uggla was a one year wonder?

Oh well. It's fun while it lasts.

100 Equals Love

2007-04-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I run across an idea or a group of people who are doing something really great. My first response is to smile and my second response is to write about it, which I'm doing right now. I found this post through a random clicking process of blogs from people I know ending up on people I don't but I wish I did. And when it is a woman I smile and realize that our female counterparts do things way better than us men.

Katherine Siebert started Edeva, which means, "beautiful gift." She came up with this really great idea for a love project to get one hundred people together to buy the land for a trade arts "co-op" for a group of women in the Dominican Republic. Instead of asking a bunch of people to give her $100, she asked 100 women to give two dollars every week. Who can't do that. The idea is brilliant. You can read the story here.

Thanks Katherine for the inspiration. I hope you don't mind if I steal your idea. I promise to give you credit.

Very Nice Article

2007-03-26T20:51:00.001-07:00

This is an interesting perspective on the changes taking place in the church. Sound off.

The History of Religion Map

2007-03-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

This site is awesome. It shows the progression of religions through the world. There are other interesting maps to help understand history. Well done people

Nate Sallie - Incredible New Artist

2007-03-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

I love music. Music puts me in touch with the soul and seems to speak to me in a way that few other things can do. I purchase a lot of music and love it when I can find an artist that speaks from the soul. Old music is like this. Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, The Who, and Elton John seemed to write music that was unhindered. It had melodies that were haunting and special. My iPod is always filled with these artists but at times includes new artists. I will buy a song from just about any artist once.

Today I found a new artist. His name is Nate Sallie. And you really should buy this album. It's called Ruined For Ordinary. It's put out by Curb Records. Go to iTunes and listen to "What I Believe." It's easily the best song on an album full of really great songs. The depth of the lyrics and passion from the music were quite surprising for a sophomore effort. It is was clear that Nate put his heart and soul into this album. It's not pop, as much as it is gospel soul.

Other really great songs include Holy Spirit, Let Go of Me, and Breakthrough. The whole album is good and worth discovering. Some have said he sounds like Gavin DeGraw and Daniel Powter, but I think he has more depth than they do.

Well done my friend.

Italy - The Land That Gets It

2007-02-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

Last year I took a trip to Italy with my Master's Program. It was sixteen days of pure bliss in the land of my forefathers. In this trip I discovered my own heritage, the beauty of the land, and the mystery of the Renaissance. It was the best trip of my life.

A friend emailed me yesterday asking for help for those who were going this year. I sat down and began to compile the list of things I thought people needed to know who are going to Italy. This is my list.

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Here's my Renaissance recommendations.

1. Eat Slow - The Italians have discovered that food is not really the thing, even though its a great thing. They eat slow so that they can slow down from their hectic lives enough to meet the person across the table from them. The have somehow realized that people are what make life really interesting and if you have a great bottle of wine to share its all the better. Restaurant owners have somehow discovered that they are the meeting places of the heart and they fully embrace their role as stewards of community.

2. Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously - Any group of people that could design so many statues of naked people get that life is just too short to miss laughing with each other. They understood that the little children walking through the piazza needed something to snicker at because their parents were just to stuffy sometimes. Maybe Michelangelo understood that we needed humor in our lives.

3. Drink Art Deeply - The Italians gave us the Renaissance because they surrounded themselves with what makes us great as human beings. We create exquisite reflections of humanity and beauty when we allow ourselves the freedom to feel. Take the time to sit with the art, especially David, Leonardo, Rafael, Boticelli.

Here's my Top 10 Practical Recommendations

10. Who ever has the balcony room at the top floor of the hotel in Florence should host a group night. We did this and it was one of my best memories.

9. On the off day visit Cinque Terra. Walk from station 3-5, but bring good shoes, water and a camera. Breathtaking. Stop in Pisa for dinner on the way home.

8. Eat lots of Gelato at midnight. The best conversations are at this time.

7. Watch the Medici documentary from PBS before going. It completely alters the experience.

6. Learn to enough Italian to be dangerous (please, thank you, where is...?). It goes a long way to the locals.

5. Ask the local store owners where their favorite restaurants are. Trust me they know. They will most likely call and get you in too.

4. If you ask for a café latte in the morning at the hotel they will make you one but you have to ask.

3. Rome is interesting but Florence is life.

2. The sign that says "Sistina Capella" with an arrow pointing around the corner does not mean its around the corner.

And the number one recommendation for those going to Italy is:

1. The cell phones don't work no matter what they tell you.

In Not Of

2007-02-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

I found this very interesting dialog by Jason Clark on the balance of learning to be in the world but not of the world. I don't know if it is original to him but his simple explanation is intriguing. The love that I seek is based on a healthy balance between finding the love I seek in my Father's love for me but also bringing that love to the world around me.

End Human Slavery - Not For Sale Campaign

2007-02-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

The idea that slavery still exists today astounds me, but sadly it doesn't surprise me. Slavery has been around since debt and I wonder which came first.

In the spirit of Amazing Grace, which opens today, I want to highlight a really cool site that is working to end slavery worldwide. It's called the Not For Sale Campaign. The idea is cool and the deal is practical. Anything that uplifts the dignity of my neighbor is worth looking at and participating in. Check it out.

Not For Sale was started by David Batstone. Here's a note from his site.
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"THE INSTIGATOR, DAVID BATSTONE
A Professor of ethics at the University of San Francisco who started his "career" guarding Salvadoran pastors and literacy teachers from death squads. Batsone was the founding editor of Business 2.0 and is the founder of social venture firm, Right Reality. He writes regularly in USA Weekend edition as "America's Ethics Guru." He traveled around the world investigating the Slave Trade before writing "Not For Sale", the book associated with this campaign.

Kiva - Microloans Process

2007-02-23T13:53:00.000-08:00

I was visiting a friends blog today and I came a cross a site that was listed at her page. The organization is called Kiva.org. Kiva provides a simple way of getting involved in the world around us. Participants, meaning us, provide microloans to someone on the website.

Microloans have been recognized as one of the best ways to help the poor get out of poverty. Because the money is small the lender takes less risk and the opportunity becomes much more available to the average person to help. In third world country's loans can be as small as $50 but they help build the dignity of the person behind the loans. Repayment in certain countries is extremely high because of the process.

Take a look.

Sanjaya Malakar

2007-02-15T10:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm diverting my attention here because I want to recognize talent. I'm not really a huge American Idol fan, but I did buy Chris Daughtry's album, which is amazing. I also did catch the Seattle and Memphis auditions this year. It was fun. In those two shows one kid stood out to me. His name is Sanjaya Malakar. You can see his audition here. Now I realize that if you are reading this you've probably seen more than me. But something in this kid is different. There is a grace about his smile and a real talent in his voice. I agreed with Simon that although his sister was good, he was great. Some people really like him. And some people don't. Regardless, I want to recognize his talent because he has it.

He did make it on to the final 24 and it will be interesting to see how his talent shows up this season. I may just have to catch a few episodes to see.

One thing that I also really liked was how much his family seems to shape him. In his interview he would thank his family first. During the auditions it was clear that his family played a strong role in his development. It shows in his smile. The image that stood out to me was of his proud father smiling from ear to ear after his children had made it to Hollywood. I love that type of image of family in the media. It reminds me that it is still possible and probable.

My best to you Sanjaya. May God smile on you this year.

One works

2007-01-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

For those of you who follow One.org and the action that they help facilitate, and for those who don't, we're making a difference. Here's an update from Ginny on critical funding for poverty relief.

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Members of the U.S. House of Representatives just voted 286-140 to pass the 2007 continuing resolution!!

If the bill also passes in the Senate before Feb. 14 then instead of AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis and refugee programs receiving no increases from 2006 to 2007, they will receive an increase of $1.45 billion. The difference will add up to hundreds of thousands of lives.

Thank you to those in the House who voted to fully fund the programs that are working to end extreme poverty. We'll post their names here shortly.

Virginia Simmons
Online Organizing Coordinator
The ONE Campaign

ONE Action

2007-01-30T14:57:00.000-08:00

From Virginia at ONE.org

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A straight continuing resolution would have left funding at 2006 levels through all of 2007 - but a few weeks ago, ONE launched a major effort to raise awareness and save as much of the planned increase as possible. In January alone, ONE members sent over 200,000 emails, faxes and letters to their members of Congress urging them to fully fund poverty programs in 2007.

Last night, a bill was filed asking for a $1.3 billion increase in AIDS, malaria and tuberculosis funding - a full $300 million more than the one billion dollar increase ONE members urged their representative to save.

Sound Off

(Nothing is a done deal though until the bill passes both houses. A House vote is scheduled for tomorrow and a Senate vote is set for February 5. We'll be posting updates on these votes times and outcomes on the ONE Blog.)

We have been told that this money, which easily could have vanished virtually unnoticed, was saved due to the pressure from the community. Without exaggeration, outreach on the 2007 CR may have just saved hundreds of thousands of lives in the world's poorest countries.

Please send me an email or call me if have questions. Every convesation blog post on these issues counts.

Ginny

Virginia Simmons
Online Organizing Coordinator
The ONE Campaign

Isn't She Beautiful Reflections

2007-01-29T19:15:00.000-08:00

It has been a week since I returned from the Isn't She Beautiful conference in Michigan and it has taken me a little while to really process what I experienced. The conference was deeply refreshing for me in that it was a call to love (my God, my self, my neighbor, and all of creation). The narrative of God is all about restoration and I want to be part of it. I want to fully engage Missio Dei for the sake of my own heart.

Images- Isn't She Beautiful

2007-01-24T16:02:00.000-08:00

The Mars Hill stage

Rob Bell getting ready for the final evening.

Rob preaching.

Redeeming The Hurting

2007-01-23T17:49:00.000-08:00

Tonight was perhaps the reason I came to Mars Hill. The night was dominated by worship and communion...and the cross. Okay, this was a pastors conference but as I was saying to my friend, "where do pastor's go to find their own redemption and love." I feel sorry for pastor's. They don't give themselves space to be human. There seems to be this cruel club they all belong to that says they can't be anything less than perfect and a shining example of what it means to be a Christian.

Tonight Rob call them out of this palce and gave them a place to be real, to hurt, to cry. Tonight a group of 2,000 pastors, elders, leaders and volunteers took time and space to remember (and embrace) what it means to restore their own hearts. Some took their place under the cross, many red faced and wet cheeked from the experience. Others took their place under the prayer shawl. Other sat with other elders and received prayer. The scene looked must like a revival only this was a group of pastors and leaders.

I thank my father for a brother like Rob. Some people don't understand him and that is okay, but he know what it means to restore. I like that. I like a person who stands up front and says, "We need to love." This is why I came.

Tweaking The Norm

2007-01-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

This morning at the Isn't She Beautiful conference Rob was in full form. If Rob has the ability to do anything it is to tweak the way people see the story of redemption. This morning was all about Salvation, Heaven and Hell. And the content of these sessions are for another post. What is important was how Rob expanded the conversation of heaven, hell and salvation. And as I looked at the mood of the room it was obvious that he had tweaked the norm.

You see, there is historical way of operating that is so fixed, so completely restrictive to a select few (some would call it scholasticism) that it gives people no permission to think. Rob won't let you do that. He calls out a way of being that requires you to think. He's so much like Jesus in that he almost forces you to wrestle with it. His best subversive quality is his capacity to tweak the way you see it.

And the reality was that 20% of the people were deeply confused and immediately discounted what he said. I am at lunch as I write this and I just finished a conversation with a local pastor, who came because he just heard of Rob's church (this guy is really tweaked). The very first thing he said was "I didn't agree with about 25% of what he said." I asked him why, and he stumbled on it. "We did the proof text and..." You can finish the sentence.

See what Rob does that bugs people is that he makes people aware of their own way of seeing, and in the presence of a new way of seeing it most people question the validity of their own image. Some immediately walk away, some go numb, some just agree, and a small group wrestles with it. Some, like my neighbor at lunch, immediately assume an attack on their image and can't handle it.

What if we miss the whole story when we do this. What if we miss the story that Jesus is trying to communicate, when we assume our way of seeing is fixed and the only way to see something. I have been listening to Rob for about a year and a half and I think he would probably say, "I could be wrong."

How then do we find love in all of this? How then do we live in the tension of the new and the old and find a way to remain in the learning, the relationship, and the love? How do we stay in trust when something affronts our senses and constructs? That my friend is the question of living.

More pictures to follow.

The Spirit of Love

2007-01-22T10:00:00.000-08:00

About three months ago I convinced my wife that I needed to go to Michigan in the middle of winter. Normally this would be considered a really stupid move (as some of my friends would say, "Are you insane?") but on this particular instance it was to go to a conference at Mars Hill. Well today I'm finally here. I'm at the Isn't She Beautiful conference, which is essentially a dialog about how to be a church that loves.

Rob Bell (the pastor at Mars Hill) says what I believe, which for someone who values language is like having a personal translator to my soul. His gift is in seeing and communicating the language of what we all are experiencing on this journey.

This morning was on the Eucharist, which is the giving of life by the pouring out of our souls. Its this practice of following Jesus in love in the giving of ourselves. Its this profound place where we connect to what it means to be a human in this crazy world and still not give up. The key for me this morning was actually not the Eucharist, even though I really, really enjoyed the conversation. The key was in seeing the little ways that I have forgotten to say, "I love you." Once we broke for lunch I had to stop and send my wife an email letting her know how much I appreciate her. I needed to write to her so that she could read it in her own space and reflect on it when she needed.

And then it hit me. What Rob is really trying to do is foster the spirit of love within a community so that it pervades everything they do. I could feel it within the building, within the people. We, the audience, we all on a little pilgrimage to experience that community. He was just smart enough to bring everyone together around this banner.

Thank you Rob for choosing love.

Oxfam's Farm Bill Action

2007-01-16T19:27:00.000-08:00

This is a reprint from the ONE.org site. It was originally posted by Tim Fullerton of Oxfam.

It's incredibly tough to be a small farmer these days. From Mali to Mississippi, family farms are struggling just to stay afloat. Meanwhile, huge industrial-sized farms in the US gobble up small farms, and poor farmers across the globe struggle to survive on just a dollar a day.

But it doesn't have to be that way. This year, Congress will debate a new Farm Bill, which for five years will set policies that could either help small farmers at home and abroad - or keep them struggling.

Join Oxfam's Farm Bill Action Team and help pressure Congress to support hardworking farmers around the world.

We need you to make sure this year's Farm Bill lets small farmers compete and make a living. The last bill included billions of dollars in handouts for gigantic farming operations - while leaving family farmers across the globe struggling to make ends meet.

This is one of those touchstone issues where your actions can have a huge impact. Rural communities are devastated when small farmers lose their livelihoods. The results: Poverty and hunger skyrocket, the young move to cities, and unsustainable farming practices deplete the land.

As part of the Oxfam Farm Bill Action Team, you'll be given easy ways to educate your friends, Congress, and the media about how our tax dollars shouldn't go toward subsidies that hurt family farms both in the US and in poor countries.

Help us cultivate change to make our world a better place. Join the Farm Bill Action Team today!

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Please take a moment to help out.

How Does Love Intervene

2007-01-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

Last night I had dinner with my cousin at Fats (great Thai food) and the conversation served as an strange tipping point to recognizing to the great costs associated with marriage. My cousin is currently separated from his wife of 12 years. I sat and listened to my cousin, chewing on a delightful Walnut Shrimp concoction and wondered if I hadn't just heard this conversation before. You see, one of my best friends had spent the previous night over at my house as we watched the BCS game between Florida and Ohio State. He too was separated from his wife. A third great friend had also separated, and divorced, from his wife this summer.

As I listened to my cousin I couldn't help but wonder why divorce happens. Why is it that we can reach a place where we give up, lose hope, or just lose touch. In each case, it was not instantaneous events that contributed to the demise but ongoing lack of concern for the other person. Each had simply lost touch with the other person.

But in the listening I became aware that I am now my father's age when he divorced my mom. It is a strange thing to really reach an age and realize how completely impossible it is to prepare for marriage and really understand what it means to love someone forever. In each case the couple had simply grown indifferent and apart. Little things added up to create a giant wedge that pulled them in different directions. I cannot deny that I was deeply sad for each of them.

How does love intervene when two people reach a point of giving up? How does love find a way out and see beyond all of the crap that gets in the way and steals our hope? How do we regain the ability to love even when our spouse doesn't reciprocate, instead lashing out at simple attempts to make sense of the mess? I don't know. That is the problem.

I sat looking at my cousin very aware that love takes work. It takes a willingness to see beyond the simple petty things that add up and still find hope. I have hope for them, but I don't know if it is enough.

Simple Ideas To Love

2007-01-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who really inspired me this week. His name is Brandon. He's actually the boyfriend of my wife's friend Alicia. Brandon had this unique idea of doing something with his passions so he created a non-profit that would serve the poor in Colombia. The idea was to create something that would serve a specific community that needed help and consistently target one area. He's not looking to save the world from poverty, only a tiny corner of it.

This week he's traveling down to Colombia to meet with some people who live in the community and begin the process of creating an assessment of what they need. I honestly wish I was on the plane with him.

My hats off to you Brandon for doing something so inspiring with your life. Thank you for practicing love in its best form.

Profound Moments

2006-11-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while you have to mark a moment that is profound. This last week was just one of the times. For those of you who know me, I love the San Jose Sharks in the NHL. I watch about sixty games a year on tv and try to catch at least three games a year in person.

But the reality is that hockey is an East Coast/Canada thing. Getting press on ESPN is next to impossible. Unless you're Detroit, New Jersey, Boston, or any Canada team, good luck getting some love.

About five years ago, ESPN started listing power rankings for teams in the NHL. The Sharks, no matter how good they were were usually about six to ten spots below what they should have been. Last year for example, the Sharks had the best record post the Thornton trade. Yet they got no love, finding themselves no better than 12 before the guys running the rankings forgot to post anymore with three weeks to go.

Well this week the Sharks found themselves at the top of the list. WOW! Thanks ESPN

Zags Come Up Big Time

2006-11-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

My beloved Zags pull a huge upset over #2 ranked North Carolina, scoring big time and showing the world that they are for real...AGAIN.

What I Am Thankful For

2006-11-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

This morning I'm in my pajamas watching the Macy's Day parade with my children, sipping coffee, and doing nothing. It is not hard for me to be aware of my blessings. I am grateful for my Father's hand in my life. I sense his peace in my life in a really great way. I am thankful for my family, and all of the cliche things people usually say. But a cliche is a cliche because it it said so many times. My family is healthy. A good friend of mine just watched his daughter go through Cancer. I hope I never have to go through that. I am thankful that I have work. My new career with Thrive Ministries is something I wake up to and want to do. I am grateful that I have been given opportunity, and hope to make a better world possible for my children and those in the world. I am thankful that I have discovered faith and hope and love. I am thankful that my eyes have been opened to a world needing these things. I am thankful that I have been given an opportunity to love my neighbor.

Blessings to you all on this Thanksgiving.

The Bracelet

2006-11-23T10:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was in line to get a cup of coffee and I saw a man with a bunch of rubber bracelets. You know the kind Lance Armstrong started with his Livestrong campaign. I thought Livestrong was a brilliant idea. Then everyone had them. They were everywhere, which is simply a testimony to how great the idea was.

I even got one. It said "courage" on it. I actually got it from Taco Bell for 25 cents from a vending machine. My son, who is four always gets two quarters when we go to Taco Bell and he didn't have a clue what it was. He just knew it wasn't the Ninja guy he wanted. So he gave it to me. I wore it for a while because I like what it meant. I liked being reminded of the idea of courage. Unfortunately it was cheap (what do you expect for a quarter) and broke after about a month. I threw it away and didn't think about it for a while.

And then a good friend of mine gave me a ONE bracelet. I believe in the One Campaign and what they are doing for social justice and fighting poverty. The ONE bracelets are made really well and they are white. I put it on and that was that.

So yesterday when I saw this guy in line I began to think of why I wear the bracelet. It has now been over 9 months that I've had it on and I have thought about the question before. Did I wear it because I wanted to make people aware of ONE.org? Yeah, a little. Did I wear it because it makes a cool statement about who I am? Not really. Did I wear it because it looks cool and everyone is doing it? No.

I wear it because it reminds me that we are part of the human race. We are God's creation first, connected together. I am called to love and be loved in community. The bracelet reminds me of that. It reminds me to remember those less fortunate than myself. It reminds me to love my neighbor and to be part of the solution.

That's why I wear the bracelet.

Keep Congress Honest

2006-07-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

I tend to be very careful with how I spend my time in activities that aren't close to home, geographically. I only support two organizations with my time at this point, which could change. The first is Oxfam, and their Fair Trade Campaign. I drink a lot of coffee and have worked on their campaign in the past. Its very important that we don't kill the local farmers around the world. Its easy to do.

The second organization is the One Campaign. I believe in what Bono is doing to push us as a human race to find the best in us by loving our brother who is destitute and in poverty. These are God's children too. Last year, at the G8 summit, world leaders committed to fighting poverty on a global scale by funding initiatives to attack the problem. So far their track record is poor at best, but at this years G8 summit, they recommitted to the solving the problem.

You can help. Simple click here to sign up for a group to meet your congressional leader and let them know we have to keep our commitments to the poor and the oppressed. This is a grassroots campaign to get the word out that we believe in reaching the world with a redemptive touch and meeting people basics needs.

Thank you for helping.

When Death Knocks On Your Door

2006-05-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have been part of a men's spiritual development group for almost four years now. I would consider what we do to be groundbreaking in nature because we have been able to really create a "real" environment for becoming what God has designed us to be. The group is called Band of Brothers and has generated a tremendously interesting gossip (good and bad) because we remained exclusive for so long and really good things happened within the group.

When we started we knew something good was happening. Men were able to really share their hearts, learn to make commitments, dive into what it means to love and make commitments. So much of what we did felt like pioneering in a way. We were sort of discovering our hearts and souls. We all knew it was something special.

But something happened at about the three year period. The group got restless in a way that created a change in the way men approached the group. When it first happened I got mad to be honest. I felt like the men in the group didn't care. I tried to fix things using my position of leadership with the group, but it didn't work. Something was definitely wrong. It wasn't that the guys didn't care. They just stopped coming as much. And for an intentional group based upon a covenant, when a guy doesn't show up it is a big deal. But for a lot of men the reason for not being there became trivial. And no one seemed to really care anymore.

At the beginning of the journey we knew we had good food for men interested in the journey to the heart. We often talked about how long we would stay a closed group and when the journey would end in it present form. During the first year, I mentioned the idea of three years to guys, and for some this seemed unreasonably long. We needed to split and grow. I held onto the three years because this was Jesus' model. Why three years? I don't know. It just was.

Well it just so happens that at the three year mark, guys started getting restless. Funny how that works. We tried to find a way to make it work but something was consistently wrong. In the first three years, guys missing the group was the exception. After that, it was the norm. We tried to solve the problem by bringing in new guys, but after review, I think we cheated the new guys of the real experience of their own group. And it didn't solve the problem.

So last night we finally did it. We had THE conversation. We talked about the group ending in its current form and guys stepping into leadership roles for new groups. The idea did scare some of the guys, but I think everyone agreed that real maturity, real growth in the journey meant stepping into the next phase of the journey.

And for my sake, I was glad that it was broached by someone other than me. I had been feeling it for at least four months about dropping out. I struggled with this because I didn't want to leave what we were doing, but I didn't want how we were doing it anymore. I was no longer in leadership and it would be easy to leave. But just dropping out would hurt. It just didn't seem right. I wanted to leave well. Now we were talking about ending the group. It seemed so much like a divine conversation.

And in some ways, this conversation was our's to have. We had pioneered the group and it was up to us to figure out if there was an end to the process. Actually the end ended up being a way station because if we close the group, up to five new groups could start.

I thought a lot about what the disciples must have felt like the day Jesus died. "What do you mean it is over? You can't die. It is not supposed to be like this." But if he didn't die, I wonder if they would have ever taken the next step into maturity and their own growth.

It is funny when you really look at death. To a great extent it is so much a natural part of the order of the world. Death does come in the form of winter, and life is renewed out of death in the spring. It is inevitable that the group must die. But the reality is that I want to hold onto what was. It became clear last night that if I do I will be missing out on what can be. That's scary to a certain extent. I want what I know, but if I really want the real me I have to let that go.

I love my brothers and have loved the journey as hard as it has been. But now it is time to move on. What the path looks like, I don't know. But I'm ready to find out.

Here we go.

Trusting Days

2006-04-21T12:14:00.000-07:00

I just spent Easter week on a road trip with my family. The purpose of the trip was to take a vacation, see the sights and end up in Spokane to evaluate the idea of moving there for my PhD. The trip was awesome to say the least. An RV can be a daunting experience, cramped, and never enough time out of the cabin but this was not the case for us. For the first 9 of the 11 days we enjoyed awesome weather that allowed us to get out and see the sites. Seattle was beautiful and so was Coeur D'Alene.

But then there was that little stop in Spokane. Remember I have nothing against Spokane. I am currently attending Gonzaga but through the online program. I went there in January for my residency requirement and I had a lot of fun. But, I didn't really get to see anything outside of the school. My hotel was right next to downtown and the River Park is beautiful, even in the winter.

As we drove into Spokane, we made our way to the school. I wanted to show my family where I was attending and let them get a first taste of the city. It was nice and I felt like I was really enjoying being back in school. It was fun showing off my school to my children. Students were out in the courtyard practicing rugby and the weather was nice. It was a good start.

But then I made the mistake of driving to our RV Park which was not in the best of neighborhoods. We drove down 3rd street and I could instantly tell my wife was not liking the city. I have three kids and security is important to her, as its important to any parent. And she was not secure. The RV Park was actually nice and we met some great people, but as we drove around town I could see my dream of getting my Ph.D. at Gonzaga go down the tubes.

See the point of this story is not that Spokane is a bad city, or that the trip turned bad. Both of those are untrue. Spokane is a great city. A lot of people have told me that it is awesome, and I have to admit we only saw much of the city center. We drove to South Hill to look at houses, and it reminded me of Willow Glen in San Jose about twenty years ago. Spokane is a sleepy little town and I think it wants to be that way.

The point of this story is that as we drove towards Coeur D'Alene the next day, it was as if I was driving away from what I had expected my future to be. I knew that my wife was not into the idea of moving there. As we spoke over the next couple of days, she confirmed this. Something inside of her just couldn't do it. She had become aware over the drive how far she would be from family and she needed certain things to be able to make the move. Spokane just wasn't it.

I wrestled with the emotions that emerge when a dream I had lived with for several months went traveling in a different direction. I had built a story, told my friends, made commitments, looked for a job. This was supposed to be my direction and here it was going some place I didn't expect.

And then it dawned on me that I had narrowed my view. I had assumed that Spokane was the end when it quite possibly wasn't. I haven't ruled out Spokane, but the likelihood is less so since the trip. As I watched my future go a different direction I realized that it was possible that my Father had other plans for me.

I had to make a decision at that moment to do one of two things. I could fight it and try and talk my wife into Spokane, but it occurred to me that this would be an uphill fight and my future wouldn't be there with me. Or, I could let go of my perception and follow my future in a different direction.

I don't believe that I won't get another degree, or my Ph.D. As I step back and lean towards a new direction I realize that as in the past, my Father may have something better in mind.

So what was the point of the Spokane exercise then. Why get all geared up and send me in that direction. I believe what it did was get me to think outside of my box and cause me to see where my heart wanted to go. I want to find some blend of teaching, education, spiritual development, and business.

These are trusting days, and as I ponder a new direction, I'm not scared. I'm very aware for the first time, that following my Father means going in directions that are unfamiliar, but ultimately they will be fulfilling to my heart. I know now that he really does love me. I know that he has something better for me. And if I don't let that go, I'll miss what is perfect for me.

Here we go!!

The Least Of These

2006-04-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

I think I saw Jesus today.

I'm traveling this week with my family up the West Coast on a family trip. We're taking a RV for the first time, hitting some great spots. Ashland has great food and a wonderful downtown. Believe the waitress when she tries to sell you a bottle of Medford wine over a cheaper Napa brand. Nice wine.

Today we spent the entire day visiting Seattle. We saw the Space Needle, the Pike's Place Market, but we missed the fish throwers. The immigration rally was taking place downtown and made for a really bad traffic flow. (Note to self: Next time join the rally or stay the hell away.)

As we walked towards the fish market, a woman named Lenora walked up to me. She was obviously homeless and didn't have any shoes on. She tried to sell me a story on how she needed money for a key deposit for the shelter. I didn't really need a story. I knew it was most likely a lie, but it didn't matter. This was my moment to meet Lenora.

I don't like to think about giving to the homeless. What I mean by that is I want to have my hand on my wallet ready to give before they ask. I want this for my own soul. I want to give because in giving I validate myself. In recognizing Lenora's dignity, I lift my own.

I didn't really let her finish her story and I just felt like $20 was the right answer. I don't know how to explain that other than I just went with my heart and gut and what felt right at the moment. I've given to homeless people before but something was different this time. I looked into my wallet and then went to the local coffee house to get some change. I bought a coffee and then went back to Lenora. I handed her a twenty and then asked her if she wanted the coffee. She smiled at me as though I had saved the world that day. Believe it or not the coffee meant more to her than the money at the moment.

I asked her if she like cream or sugar and she did, so I took the coffee back and got it for her. I found out that most coffee establishments in Seattle won't allow the homeless in unless they have shoes. Lenora didn't. I went back and got her cream and Equal, four packets.

While I was gone, Lenora talked with my children and was deeply gracious to them. She made my son laugh and complimented him on his Spiderman skills, which he loved. I returned and handed her the coffee just the way she liked it.

I introduced her to my family and they all were gracious to her. Lenora really didn't know how to act. I left and she was beaming.

I recount this story because I recognized something in the giving that I had never seen before. In giving her money, I was satisfying a present need in her. She may have been telling the truth about the key deposit. Or she may have been waiting for her next heroin dose. I'll never know. But in just giving money, and walking on, I have missed something in the giving.

What I do know is that when I stopped and served her, got her coffee, went back for cream and sugar, she lit up. My recognition of her dignity was infinitely more valuable to her, represented in the simple cup of coffee. As I walked away with my family, she held onto it as though it were gold. It had become a symbol that she was still valuable in this world.

The experience made me wonder, no realize, that the heart can still be touched with love. It made me question our methods of dealing with the homeless and that our first response should be to restore the dignity. It made me realize that there is a human being, deeply valued on the other end of the $20. And when I've done my giving, and walked on by, I've missed the real gift in giving.

I want to thank Lenora for helping me see that.

Roto Players Will Know

2006-04-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

For anyone who has ever played Rotisserie baseball you know that Opening Day is a sacred moment. Its that first real day when you get to see how smart you were on draft day, make ridiculous assumptions about your team and go into a frenzy about that one player you drafted for 37 dollars and sucked it up big time. I wrote this fun email to my league in response to those feelings. Because isn't this what we're all thinking?

Message: It's time to dump.

After yesterday, it has become very clear to me that I can't make a run at the title so I'm starting early this year. It's time to dump. I know. I know. Your saying "what?" It April. But think about it. You have to start some time. Why not now? If I dump now, I'm sure to get ahead of the game and every other player who wondered why the guy who he spent 37 dollars on went 0-4 or had a 7.34 ERA.

If you really think about it, its easy at this point in the season to still get you to focus on last season stats before my star player goes into stats hell or blows out his arm and becomes untradeable. I know, I'm a forward thinker.

And...I won't have to spend endless hours this season looking at seventeen different roto services trying to find that one key player that will turn my team into a contender. Which makes me really wonder what I do on Saturday mornings while my lawn grows two feet tall. Damn, is it spring already?

But still...it's April. I know. But think about all the time I'm saving that I could be spending with my kids. Think about all the time I could be working on the next great American novel that I've been thinking about for at least fifteen years. Think about all the conversations I won't have to have as my wife tries to pull me away from the computer to come to bed, but I won't because the waiver deadline is coming up.

You see, the truth of the matter is, I'm a good roto player, but I'm not a great roto player. The best I've done is 2nd, and that was 9 years ago. I know Roloff is not with us this year and that increases my chances about 3% but I don't know if I'm willing to give it a shot anymore. I've decided it time to come to my senses and work towards next years draft.

So, everyone's available. Send all offers.

Jonathan

PS: Just in case you were really wondering, yes this was a joke.

Isn't baseball great?

Love Wins

2006-04-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

I have a project that I work on called Vacation Rentals America. It is a vacation rental listing service. It is a fun project and I don't make money on it. It was meant to be for profit but is still in incubation mode. I don't have to do much to support it and I hope that it sprouts someday.

To build the database of rentals I've given away free listings for new customers. They can use a coupon to add the property for free. Sometimes they don't add the listing and I do it for them as a service. It is no big deal.

Yesterday I added a credit for a customer who had signed up but didn't add his property. I added the credit for him so he could then add his information. The process is very easy and usually takes customers 10-20 minutes. The credit automatically notifies him that he can add his information. It's simple.

I got this email back from him.

"I have advertised my condo on many different sites. Your site has been designed by a moron. It is the most unnecessarily complicated and difficult site to create an ad. If I were you I would shut down immediately for you have no chance of making a success. Also shoot your web site designer. Remove me from your mailing list, etc."

Honestly my first reaction was surprise. I have received numerous emails from customers telling me they love the site, the process is easy, and the graphics are great. I thought about sending him a nasty letter, but then it hit me. This guy is hurting. He's probably having a bad day and my auto-email caught him at his worst moment. He tried to get on my site, didn 't understand something and then got frustrated. I sent him back this email.

"(Name Withheld), You must have had a bad day to write something like this. Hope it gets better for you. We've deleted your account. Best wishes. Jonathan"

I didn't expect to hear from him again. But then I got this reply from him today.

"My day has been fine. The truth hurts,eh?"

I was quietly stunned. I realized that to send the first email, he had to spend the time to say what he did. I replied back to him letting him know that we had fulfilled his request. That should have been the end of it. But then he came back at me a second time, with as much spite as the first. I just couldn't help feeling sorry for this guy. To expend that kind of negative energy a person really has to be lost.

I thought about my response all day. I thought about sending him some awful response telling him to "get lost" but not in such kind words. But then I realized that Love Wins. It really does. He just didn't get the memo. And if I really believed that I would respond with my own medicine, which was love.

I finally sent him back a response. It said very simply, "Love Wins."

I hope he stops and really reads it. I also hope I can keep saying it. Because I believe it.

Do you?

The Father's Love

2006-04-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up to my son's feet in my back. Whenever my wife is out of town my son likes to sleep in my bed and he always sleeps sideways. He has to be touching me as if I'm his comfort blanket. He woke up before me and began sitting on top of me telling me he wanted to go downstairs for juice and his favorite Spiderman show. I got up thinking this morning was just like any other. It almost wasn't.

My two daughters were still sleeping, so I thought, and I wanted to close their doors so the sound of the television wouldn't wake them up. Amber was fast asleep so I closed her door. I looked in McKenna's room and she wasn't there. I assumed she was downstairs already.

Carter and I walked downstairs and I proceeded to pour him his juice and put on Spiderman. He tucked himself under the blanket and watched his favorite show. But then I realized that McKenna wasn't downstairs. I assumed she was in the bathroom or something. No big deal.

I went upstairs to find her and checked her room again. I had that feeling inside of me that she had to be somewhere and there was no worry, at this point. When I checked her room she wasn't there. I checked my room to see if she had crawled into my bed, which she has done before. She wasn't there. I tried not to let the fear get to me, except there was one important fact I was suddenly aware of. I had not locked the doors to the back door last night. I rationalized the fear with the realization that if someone entered the house during the night, Kipper, my dog would have barked instantly. He just does that.

I quickly ran around the house checking everywhere. I ran outside. I checked the back, the front, the garage, everywhere. And then for that one split second it hit me. What would it mean to lose my daughter? What would it mean to me not to have her by my side? The sudden thought gripped me. I was not ready for that.

I continued to check the house, now looking in the cupboards, crevices, and under the beds. Amber was now awake and I didn't want to scare her but I was now calling out McKenna's name. She didn't answer. I didn't like the fear.

Amber began to help me but as I checked each little crack in the house, in the showers, places we had played hide and go seek, I couldn't help but process what it would mean to lose my daughter.

Then I went back into her room and there she was, in her bed. The fear left me, now rushes of joy swept into my heart. She was found. I think she was playing an April Fool's joke on me, not realizing it was the 2nd of April. I held her for a minute or two allowing the fear to leave me.

After thinking about it, I was struck by the thought of how God must feel when we leave him. When we choose to walk away into the hands of the world. I was aware of the lost coin, the lose sheep, and the Prodigal Son. How the Father must have felt to lose his precious child. I realized that there is no way he could ever NOT miss us. There is no way his heart could do anything but grieve. That is the way a Father is built. To love his child.

It also made me realize that my Father could never not love me. There was no way I could not love McKenna. It's just not possible. I'm just not built that way. Maybe my Father was trying to teach me that he loves me more than I give him credit for. Thanks You Father.

House Party - Oxfam Style

2006-03-24T10:31:00.000-08:00

I got this email from Brian Rawson who works at Oxfam, which you really should know more about. If you can help, click on the link below.

Jonathan,

Because of your experience volunteering with us, I am writing to offer an exciting and powerful way you can help Make Trade Fair without even leaving your home – simply by getting a few friends together to write letters. From April 16 – 22 Oxfam supporters will be hosting house parties in targeted Congressional districts across the country. House parties will give your guests the opportunity to draft hand-written letters to their US Senators and Representative urging them to oppose the US-Peru Free Trade Agreement (FTA). We’ve found that personalized letters are one of the most effective ways to influence your elected officials.

On the heels of the Central American Free Trade Agreement (CAFTA), the United States recently negotiated a similar free trade agreement with Peru, a developing country in South America where over half of the population lives in poverty. If the US-Peru FTA is passed by Congress it would force Peru to open its markets to subsidized agricultural imports, destroying the market for local small-scale farmers. It would also limit people’s access to affordable, life-saving medicines. And it would prevent the Peruvian government from making sure that foreign investments promote local development.

The US-Peru FTA can be defeated, but we urgently need your help! Your elected officials hold the key, but they need to hear from enough voters like you. Amplify your voice by hosting a Make Trade Fair House Party during the week of April 16 - 22. We will provide posters, talking points and other materials to make this a fun and easy way to build community while making a difference in the lives of millions Peruvians living in poverty.

Again, as one of Oxfam’s most engaged supporters we need your help. Oxfam will provide almost everything you’ll need to plan and host a successful party—including my direct and personal support. Register today to host a house party by filling out a simple form at, www.oaaf.org/houseparties.

Please let me know if you if you have any questions. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do to Make Trade Fair! Together, we can end poverty.

Sincerely,

Brian Rawson

My Beloved

2006-03-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed those moments in your life when there is more to learn than you realize. Last night was one of those moments. I am currently attending Gonzaga for my Master's in Organizational Leadership and unless you live in the remote outskirts of Saskatoon Canada and don't read the newspaper, you've probably heard about my beloved Zags. They are the little guy representing the West Coast in the March Madness tourney. Adam Morrison is up for player of the year honors and is the leading scorer in the nation.

Several pundits picked the Zags to win the Oakland bracket and I agreed with them. I honestly thought it was possible. They were well coached, had a well rounded team, and could score on anyone. They were a great team.

So if you watched it last night, you saw that they lost literally in the last seconds of the game to UCLA. It was like someone pulling the rug out from under you. They had been leading by as much as 17 points during the game and by 10 points with four minutes left. It was agonizing to watch.

So where does the learning come from? Well, I had the pleasure of living at USC during college. It was an awesome experience, so I consider myself a fan of USC as well. If you remember, USC had the team of the century this year in football. The run up to the Rose Bowl was the most anticipated game in the last 50 years of college football. And if you remember the game, you'll remember that USC was winning the game. All they had to do was stop Texas from scoring on one last play. Several times they could have stopped Vince Young and didn't. Texas won.

On both occasions I was standing for most of the game. I can't sit for moments like these. They are too much fun and I like to scream, punch, kick, and just be an everloving fan during the event. My wife laughs at me because its like I'm at the game.

As I'm watching the Zags play, with minutes left and UCLA making a run, I had one of those feelings in the pit of my stomach that I was watching the USC game all over again. And with nine seconds left UCLA steals the ball and scores. I remembered the exact same feeling watching my team go down in flames. Adam Morrison fell to his knees and cried. Defeat was at hand.

As I stood there with the game over, I couldn't help but realize that I had experienced the same thing over again. It was the moment in my life when I was on the losing end of the game. My beloved had lost and I was left to deal with the emotions and judgments that come with losing. I don't like losing but I couldn't help but be immediately aware of something really important. Losing did not define me.

I don't know why I thought this. Maybe because I felt like I had experienced this before. My beloved team had lost and I couldn't help but feel for Morrison and Batista and all the guys. I kept thinking about all the things in life that can define who we think we are and this could be one of them. The look on Morrison's face was pure agony and despair.

I was also aware of how many times I had let losing or failure define who I was. I think the thing that caught my attention was that I was aware that I was still who I was, a whole person.

Love has a way of doing that to you. It reminds you that life's experiences don't define you. Who I am as a child of God does. It's funny that my realization of this came during a basketball game. It seems so trivial. But if you're like me, really wanting to make life whole, these moments are not trivial. They are the experiences that make my journey so rich.

So here's to making good out of bad. Maybe Morrison will come back for his senior year and we'll go all the way. Go Zags.

Honesty

2006-03-22T00:41:00.000-08:00

I was listening to an old Mp3 of one of my mentors. He was talking about the Kingdom of Heaven breaking into our hearts, and how God prepared the way through John who called out "repent". He has this really cool discussion about what repent means and how it is the doorway to the Kingdom. I've heard the sermon at least twelve times, so my iTunes says.

But tonight I heard something new, which you hope happens after listening to something twelve times or you feel like you've heard it before. He kept talking about honesty and how the Kingdom came crashing in to the hearts in his community when they got honest.

Then it hit me. Honesty is the doorway. To repent means essentially to turn around, but what John was trying to communicate was that if I really want the Kingdom of God to break into my heart in a real way, in a fresh way that transforms my life, I have to first get honest with myself. I have to be honest about what's really in my life and that I need God.

This was a great reframing for me because I've always thought of repentance as this bad thing, where I have to get down on my knees and grovel to God, "I'm not worthy", like some Saturday Night Live skit. But what he was saying was different. I just have to get honest with myself. I just have to get honest with God.

And isn't this what I'm really after in the first place, a place to get honest. I'm so tired of the b.s. that I long for a place to be real. I long for a place to really communicate and share what is on my heart.

Thank you Rick.

The Love Of The Father

2006-03-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had lunch at Rubio's, which is a great place for shrimp tacos, but that's another story. I was standing in line waiting to order. Behind me, in walked two young boys about 5 and 7. They had smiles on their faces and they sat down in a booth just three feet away from me. Their father came up behind me and was waiting to order as well.

The boys were very happy and were laughing with each other. Then the younger boy turned to his father and said, "I want you to sit by me."

The father replied, "Of course." The boy's face lit up as though he had just won first prize in a school race or something.

Then his older brother stood up and declared, "I want you to sit by me too."

The father just smiled and said, "Of course I will sit next to you too."

What struck me about this incident was how much the father's love brought joy to the boys. They fed off the love of their father. He was their hero. It honestly made me think about how much a father's love creates such an important foundation in our lives. It reminded me of how much my Heavenly Father loves me. I want to feed off of that and allow it to transform my life in a way that when people see me they see my hero.

Because love is that good.

The coolest speech I ever heard.

2006-03-09T17:01:00.000-08:00

If you've never heard this speech given by Martin Luther King, Jr. your missing out. You can check it out here. Its really cool to hear his voice in the presentation.

You can also read it here:

If you want to be important, wonderful
If you want to be recognized, wonderful
If you want to be great, wonderful
But recognize that he who is greatest among shall be your servant.
That's the new definition of greatest.

This morning the thing that I like about it:
by giving that definition of greatness
it means that everybody can be great.
Because everybody can serve.

You don't have to have a college degree to serve.
You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.
You don't have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve.
You dont' have to know Einstein's theory of relativity to serve.
You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in Physics to serve.

You only need a heart full of grace,
A soul generated by love.

You can be that servant.

Copyright, From the King Center

How cool is that.

Growing Up

2006-03-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

Over the last several days I have been having conversations with people about my journey. Significant people I trust. Each of these conversations has been a great dialog that has allowed me to process my experience with someone else.

A friend of mine called me back after our conversation to say that he has noticed a significant change in my personality and demeanor. I was, to say, validated. I have been walking through this journey of love with eyes wide open, not sure if anyone has noticed. Some people have said things, others have not. I'm not worried.

But my friend was intrigued by my change. He asked me what had been the catalyst, or reason for the change. I know my mom's death had something to do with it. But this would be limiting to say it was the defining thing. Death does have a way of speaking to us, but I know that it was not the only thing. I believe it was a lot of things.

But one event sticks out in my mind. I was in the shower about six weeks ago when I felt like God was asking to grow up. I'm 38 and I've been studying the faith journey for at least 12 years, if not longer. I was stunned to say the least. As I pondered the question, I realized that it was that time. In order for me to fully mature in love, I had to let go of my wounded identity. I had to let go of who I was. And I did, right there in the shower.

The unique thing about this was that it wasn't hard. Actually I've been processing this for as long as I can remember. But now I was willing to let it go. I think I was just ready.

The funny thing is that when I did, it was awesome. It felt like a rebirth. I liken it to letting go of a thousand pound weight. My burden was light again. I now ask myself why I had waited so long to embrace who I was becoming as a mature person of faith. I guess I was just ready.

My friend shared with me a really great observation. He told me of the story of the blind man at the pool, which I've heard many times.

6When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?" 7"Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."

My friend made an interesting observation about the blind man. Instead of responding "Yes, I want to get well," which was the question, he makes an excuse. Pow it hit me, upside the head like a knockout punch. How many times have I made excuses rather than just saying, "Yes, I want to get well."

To be honest, the guy reminded me of myself. When it really came to change, I didn't want to. It's easier to live in the identity of wounded person because my wounds provided me with an excuse for my humanity. I was just doing what I was supposed to.

I'm actually glad I made the choice to grow up. I like this place better. I don't want to sit on the mat anymore and make excuses. I want to love. I want to feel his presence in my life, joy, healing, purpose and love. The reality is that these were not prevailing traits of my life before my decision to grow up.

When I turn to my son and I see a four year old boy, I shudder to think of him growing up physically but never maturing beyond four years old. It would crush me if he were stunted in this age, as fun, and charming, and great as it is right now. I want him to grow up and become who God designed him to really be. To live valiantly, to love deeply, to pursue his purpose with passionate resolve. I just don't think he can become this person as a four year old.

It's hard to grow up. Not in a literal sense. Our bodies biological process happens regardless of our choice. I speaking of our maturity of heart. When wounds cripple us, it becomes something that takes courage to really step into. I want that for me, for my son, for those I come in contact with. Why? Because I believe that it is in maturity of heart that we love deeply, which is the fully expression of who we are as humans.

And I want to become that person. Do you?

Rent

2006-02-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

Today I watched the movie "Rent". I saw the stage play about five years ago in San Francisco, and I remember being impacted by it. But as I rented the movie, I could not remember exactly why. This time something was different. I could see what the play was about. Love.

"You'll never share real love until you love yourself. I should know." (Roger, from Rent)

This hit me. The movie made me realize how much I have missed out on real love in my life. Don't get me wrong. I have been loved by many. But I have not loved the way my heart knows I can. And more importantly, I didn't love myself. This is a profound awakening for me about how much I missed out on loving people. It is in this simple act that I am made complete. It is the purpose for which I was born. It is the marrow of my bone, and the beat of my heart.

I know why I didn't love. Because I didn't love myself. I was wounded. I suffered the crushing effects of divorce in my family and I went inward, lost in my childhood interpretations of my own value. I had a father who was wounded as well. I never doubted his love but he didn't know how to show me what it meant to be whole. He knew how to play cards with me. Gin was our favorite. I don't blame him.

I didn't know how to love myself. I didn't know how to accept who I was and be okay with my flaws, to laugh at their silliness and enjoy life. Because of this, I didn't know how to love others. That is until love broke into my heart.

Learning to love begins with love in our own heart. It begins by finding our own dignity and value. It begins by recognizing who we are as children of God and embracing the deep, deep significance of this once thing. We are designed to love...but we have to be loved first.

Learning to love is a rich experience. I cry more now as I see and recognize the beauty around me. I used to not cry. Not because I didn't want to but because I believe my heart was closed to seeing the beauty within everyone around me.

My favorite scene is the Aids group where they sing, Will I. It is a profound recognition of the moment when they are aware of their brokeness and their need for each other. In this moment, they find their own dignity and hold tight to the moment when they need it most.

I love Rent. It's a beautiful story about loving each other, holding onto the love and not letting it go. Make sure you watch it.

The Economics of Love

2006-02-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

I just had a really great conversation with a guy who is struggling to figure out what it means to love his neighbor. He's picked a family in his neighborhood and is looking for ways to just love them. His first experience came last week when the mother got sick and his wife brought them chicken soup. A simple act.

The following week she heard the doorbell ring and it was the neighbor's wife with a bottle of wine in her hand. The simple act of love had touched them in a really great way, but it had also created a subtle expectation of obligation. The wine released them from that obligation. Not wanting to be rude, my friend's wife accepted the bottle, even though it wasn't why she did it.

Which brings me to my point. In every act of love their is this intrinsic possibility of it being an economic exchange. We give and then someone gives back. It's a nice process, and in some ways contributes to community but can quickly become political. When it does, it leads to a subtle questioning of expectation. The next time she does something, is a bottle of wine expected? This is the quandary.

I cannot tell you how many times someone had said, "Let me get this one, you got the last one." People don't like obligation, and love creates an obligation of sorts. And we don't like obligation.

Jesus posed a very different way. He essentially said, "give without them knowing it." I am just now beginning to understand why. When we give without someone knowing it, we remove the economic exchange. We reduce it to a blessing from above.

I recently watched a friend process a gift that was given to him blindly. In some respects, he couldn't handle it. He spent twenty minutes trying to figure out who did it, and why they would do that. He coudln't handle the obligation and wanted to get rid of it. He realized that his obligation was now to God, and this created a deeper obligation. In the end, he couldn't help but realize it was love. He knew in his heart that those who love give without an expectation of return. He was grateful, but it really caught his attention.

The best part about this is that when we do give blindly, God promises to reward us. I used to think that God would save the reward for when we get to heaven, which kind of created this bank of extention forty or fifty years out. It seemed to steal the juice out of it. I liked the idea of God rewarding me but why wait so long. Now I'm not so sure that's the way it happens. I now believe, through several experiences, that God gives to us in the moment. The primary gift is joy in recognizing what we are created to do in this life, love.

I like that recognition. I like seeing joy in my life. I feel in those moments, the real connection to what I am here for. As God said in Genesis after reflecting, "It is so very good."

Sunflowers

2006-02-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

I'm reading The Sunflower, by Simon Wiesenthal. It is a fascinating discussion about the concept of forgiveness, written by Wiesenthal some fifteen years after the holocaust. I am truly amazed by this book for its depth of conversation about such an important topic. I read it in several sittings because it is so deep.

The story recounts Wiesenthal's experience with a Nazi soldier who asks for forgiveness for a murder of another person. Wiesenthal remained silent and the officer died the next day. But what was interesting is that Wiesenthal was not able to let it go. The question haunted him, and thus lead to the book. About forty philosophers, poets, rabbis and scholars contemplate his question. Different faiths are present in this conversation, Judaism, Christian, Buddhist, and Atheist.

As a Christian I wrestle with this question deeply. My wounds sometimes resound in my life in a way that shouts the incompleteness of my soul. I wish to be rid of these infirmities. They seem to be a weight that my heart cannot let go of. But when I do let go, the joy in my heart affirms to me that forgiveness is the right path.

The book presents two obvious differences in the Jewish and Christian faiths. The Jewish scholars value justice and morality and are thus inclined not to forgive, for many different reasons. The Christians and the Buddhists recount Jesus' commandment and are inclined to forgive. What I was left with were more questions. I kept screaming to myself, "But why could Wiesenthal not find resolution?"

What I took away from this reading was an awareness and affirmation that we are designed for love. Wiesenthal never walked away complete. It seemed like a divine appointment for Wiesenthal. Is it possible that Wiesenthal was wrestling with his own heart desire for completeness, which was found in the forgiveness?

Which lead me to other questions. Isn't the greatest act of our humanity, or expression of our soul, the response of rescuing the souls of those lost and revealing to them their own humanity, their worth, and their dignity? The soldier was this emobidment. Isn't forgiveness one of the defining vehicles for this rescue, where love is at its most present? Isn't the human soul's greatest work to love, and forgiveness is that love in its strongest form.

I felt deep sorrow for those who were involved in the holocaust, Jew, Nazi, bystander. What seems apparent is the damage to every soul involved, as evidenced by all parties in the book. We were not meant for atrocities of any kind. May they all find forgiveness.

Breaking Into My Heart

2006-02-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

There are times in my life when I have stopped the daily routine, looked backwards and taken stock of my life. I'm in one of those periods right now. I evaluating the realities in my life and I'm seeing something special. I realize that I have allowed love to break into my heart.

How do I know this? Well, I can feel it. I can feel love inside my heart for the first time in a long while. A love that is divine, telling me that I am good, that I am made for something, that I am his child. It is a love that has allowed me to really take a step outside of myself and realize that I am designed to love.

Although it may seem a simple concept, for me it has been the mysterious part of the journey. I have danced around it, taught it, wrote about it, but I've always had a thin protective coating around it so it couldn't truly get to me. I hadn't allowed God's love to fully penetrate my heart.

The most subtle but obvious change has been the ability to laugh, about just about anything. I find myself enjoying life in ways that seem only distant memories of better times. I find myself enjoying other people, where I wouldn't have before. It is as though I have seen with new eyes, and the picture is good.

Rick McKinley, a gentleman I consider a mentor, even though he doesn't know it, talks often about the Kingdom of God breaking into someone. As I embrace this happening, I realize that it is He, not me, that is doing the work. He is breaking into my heart. He is restoring my soul.

The reality is that I am a self conscious person or that I am aware of my own self. For too long this has ruled my life. I have tried too long to fit in and be the right person. This is simply the desire for love. But I have looked to long to the world to love me, when His love has been there all along.

Which leads me to the question of why I could not see it? Why was this simple fact so hidden? In hindsight, I believe once I allowed love to break into my heart, I knew I had to give up control, which is a scary place. It means that I had to grow up, and become what I am designed to be, which means responsibility and consequence. It means I have to love. And in the absence of what that looks like I stepped back from it and took a seat in the stands, comfortable to watch. Comfortable to play the game the way it is meant to be played. That was me.

I realize my picture is not a whole picture. I have been on the journey in the Kingdom of God for a while. It has been rich with experiences. But is has also been about me. What about me? This inward journey has dominated my experience, and left me missing another side of the journey, the outward one, the one that calls us to love, the one that calls us to love the poor, the widow, and the fatherless.

As I look at the deeper picture behind me, the real turning point became the death of my Mother. This woke me up in more ways than I can imagine. But it wasn't until I really looked at her life that I realized she got it. She allowed love to break into her heart, to the deep crevices within her soul, and allowed it to transform her into a person that could love, and deeply. So my mom's final gift to me was an awakening. An awareness to look outside myself and see that I needed to grow up. I needed to step into who I was and allow God's love to break into my heart. Otherwise, I would miss the real point of the journey.

I've been on the journey for so long but it has never been a complete journey. Something has always been missing. Believe it or not, I started at this place of awakening. I started with God breaking into my heart. But he had things to do within me, things to work out in me, that it was a temporal experience. I was not ready to grow up. I am just grateful that he has stayed with me long enough for me to experience it again.

So I say thank you Father. Thank you for breaking into my heart and loving me so that I may learn what it means to love.

My Morning Coffee

2006-01-31T11:51:00.000-08:00

If you're like millions of Americans you drink a cup of coffee in the morning. It has become a ritual for so many of us, me included. Coffee has replaced apple pie as the center piece of conversation. Check out your local coffee shop and you will see people sitting down, sharing stories, enjoying a smile with each other over their favorite joe.

I love coffee. A really good cup of joe has a truly great flavor and stimulates my palette like no other. I love Peet's Coffee the best. Its like mud, rich with flavor, and reminds me of the what is good in life. If you haven't tried Peet's, you're really missing something special. As a cautionary note, the first time I tried it I didn't like it so give it time.

But this isn't about coffee that way. Not after last night. I was checking out VolunteerMatch a week ago and found a really great opportunity to work for Oxfam at the Coldplay concert. Chris Martin, the lead singer, for those who live outside of the pop culture planet, is passionate about Oxfam and supports them at the concerts. I have to admit I went for the desire to serve but was swayed by the idea of a free concert. It just seemed like a great pairing of ideas. I like Coldplay but I don't own any of their CDs.

But this isn't about Coldplay either. Its about coffee. But its not about coffee the way you think its about coffee. Its about the people who grow coffee. You see Oxfam has identified one of the key components to world poverty. Coffee. Don't get me wrong. Coffee is not the cause. Its just part of the problem. You see 90% of the world makes a living growing agriculture. Most people around work a little piece of land to grow something and sell it at the local marketplace. They've done this for millenniums. Its just the way it is.

So where's the coffee come in? Well, people grow coffee. Local farmers in countries like Belize, Honduras, and Uganda grow coffee and sell it in the international marketplace. They must compete on price just like the rest of the world. Sounds simple, right? If you're like me, this just seems like simple economics and capitalism. It should encourage growth and competitiveness. With this information it becomes easy to just walk by the booth and worry about where the nearest bathroom is. Right?

But its still about the coffee. You see the 10 largest countries produce 80 percent of the world's exports. They create consortiums that can produce coffee very effectively. This is still good economics and capitalism.

Next word. Dumping.

Dumping is the real problem. Large consortiums dump large quantities of EXCESS coffee onto the marketplaces, driving the prices down to extreme lows and the little guy completely out of business. These families have never done anything else. They end up bankrupt and in extreme poverty, which means they live on less than one dollar a day. That's less than my venti drip with room for cream.

But there is no way this can be happening in America. Unfortunately it is. America subsidizes 24 billion a year to overproduce crops which flood international marketplaces. And they don't just hurt the other guys half way across the world. The rural American farmer, which the subsidies were originally meant for, are going out of business too.

Its really easy, right about now, to just throw up your hands, walk by the booth and say, "there's nothing I can do". And you'd be wrong. There are lots of opportunities to volunteer, write your senator, or just get educated. You can even sign up for the Big Noise Campaign or buy a really cool Make Trade Fair t-shirt.

But that's not the real action you can make. To really get practical, to really help the poor begins with your $1.79. Your cup of coffee. Simply ask your local coffee establishment for "fair trade certified coffee". Its that simple. By doing so, you'd be saving the little guy and feeling that much better about a great cup of joe.

Laugh With Me

2006-01-29T11:33:00.000-08:00

As I look back on my life, the memories that seemed to stand out to me are when I was laughing. I can remember the moments at family dinners or over a beer with friends where something inside of me just allowed me to laugh. Not just a little laugh at a funny joke, but the kind of laugh that fills your belly. The kind that makes you cry and realize that I was meant to laugh.

This weekend I went to Spokane for a weekend residency for my Master's Program. I met some of the greatest people and found them to be engaging, smart, passionate, and also willing to laugh. I had the best time. At night, we would go to Fast Eddies and have a beer and tell stories, and laugh. I remember walking home last night, the cold biting my face, my cheeks hurting. And I remember thinking to myself, "Thanks God for laughter".

So laugh with me. Lets find the funniest, most hilarious, filled with joy stories that make us laugh together. Isn't that what makes community so special? I think so.

A Voice In The Wilderness

2006-01-24T15:06:00.000-08:00

Today is one of those days that you wait decades for. This morning, I attended a workshop with a friend, given by a gentleman named Reggie McNeal. Reggie wrote the book The Present Future about the cultural shift happening in the church in response to post-modernism. His thesis was that we must move out of doing church and be the church. There is a growing body of work that lends credibility to idea of the movement, or shift, depending on who you talk to.

To really understand the moment you have to understand that the feelings espoused in the missional church are not new in general. But, they have been brewing and stirring in my heart for as long as I have been following Jesus. Something has always been just a little bit plastic about the church and too well packaged. A thin veneer has covered it, just thin enough that I could not quite get my hands around it. When you're in it, it feels like going to sleep in you bed after sweating real hard. You know something is there but its not bad enough to take care of it.

Reggie spent time really addressing some of the underlying themes that have plagued the church and destroyed its credibility. The suburban/historical church has essentially become a club that you sign up for a pay dues for. I smiled realizing that I could enjoy the fact that he said it and not me.

As I sat there in my seat my body grew numb. Not from a rejection of the content. Quite the opposite. It was a radical response to someone else saying what I had been feeling forever and doing something about it. That was important but not what really struck me and left me in a deep state of wonder. As I looked around during the workshop I began to notice that the average age of the group was probably fifty. This was radical to me because these were the people within the traditional structures of power, and they were engaged.

Which lead me to really believe we were on to something. You see, the principal message of the missional church is to connect people to loving their neighbor. This is cool, but is goes deeper than that. I validates a deeper truth that I have been exploring. When you connect people to the truth, which is that we are designed to love, you connect them to hope, to purpose, and to what ignites something within them intrinsically. Some won't get it, but for those who do watch out.

Reggie is like a voice in the wilderness to me, but what I am realizing is that he is not the only voice in the wilderness out there. There are many, and as he said, they are bubbling up from the ground, with a message people are ready to hear.

A Walk In The Night

2006-01-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

Tonight was an interesting experience. I usually walk my dog Kipper late at night and listen to podcasts of various rabbis and mentors I consider important and required reading for my life. I walk around the golf course to the beginning of the third hole and then turn back around. Its normally about a 35 minute walk.

Tonight I was sitting at the table and wanting to spend some time with my kids. I mentioned the idea of taking Kipper for a walk and they all shouted, "Yeah!" It was a date.

We bundled up and headed out the door, everyone's eyes peering out from their parkas. Folsom is cold in the winter because it is so close to the Sierras. We brought a flashlight and a light saber for light. It was fun.

We walked around the course and looked at the stars, prentended to dance on the light and sang songs. My children seemed to bring a sense of clarity about me. They seemed to show me that I was a a pivotal force in their life. It was just me and my kids, and it was great.

On the way back, my daughter saw the divot repair bottles that were close to the tees. She grabbed one and my first instinct was to tell her to put it back. I stopped and let her look at it, and explained what it was for. They were all curious. As we walked back towards the house we stopped by the tee box and I noticed the divots on the grass. My daughter asked if she could fill them.

There are moments when things seem to come together and this is one of them. I told them all to grab a bottle and they bolted back to the stand grabbing one as though they were getting candy. We spent the next ten minutes filling the divots the golfers had left behind. They were filled with joy, and for such a simple little thing.

On the way back we had an absolutely amazing conversation about how we are made by God to love other people. This was just one way we could help. I explained how we weren't doing it for us but for other people. What was amazing was that they didn't care. They liked the idea of serving other people.

I walked home with a smile on my face. Something had happened and I was a part of it. It was one of those moments that the truth had shown its face to me and I was there to see it.

I walked away convinced that within each of us there is the capacity and design to love. I saw it in my kids. Not just one of them, but all three of them. All I had to do was show them the way.

Learning to Love

2006-01-21T22:36:00.000-08:00

My wife and I are exploring what Jesus meant when he said love your neighbor. It seems like such a simple but radical concept when you think about it. How many of us love our neighbor? My wife and I really wanted to find something that we could engage our kids in with us. We wanted to explore this as a family so we could discuss it over dinners and let them explore this with us. We wanted to find a way to make it real for us and for them.

Loving your neighbor is an interesting concept. In my previous neighborhood, I barely knew the guy three doors down, let alone loved him. I remember moving in and a guy that lived across the street brought us brownies as a welcoming gift. It was really awesome to feel welcomed but I never saw the guy again though. He moved a little bit later.

The other guys across the street was also nice but it always felt he had an agenda, as though our conversations would lead to some political vote for something I was yet aware of. His palms were sometimes sweaty and he had a grin about him that made me wonder. He was always looking around waiting for the next neighbor. I confess I didn't really understand the guy, nor did I know him.

In my new neighborhood, everything feels great. I really do love my neighbors, in sort of a great community sense. But as my wife and I talked about it, they don't need much. Not in the way I think Jesus meant it. Everyone has a good job, and most have great kids that play with our kids. It is really a great community. Most of my neighbors actually know Jesus and are involved in some kind of church. I know they would be there for me if I needed it, and they know I would be there for them if they needed it. The problem is that none of us ever really need it.

In high school, my pastor was always talking about going to Africa for missions, as if my neighbor was someone on the other side of the world. This never really made sense to me, and left me pondering. For me, I don't find myself wanting to go to Africa, unless it means going to a Safari. I read an article recently that Africa now has more Christian's that the U.S. does, so I thought it was more practical to go next door or some place local. When ever someone would talk about missions, I would think about how much it would cost just to get there and then think what that could do for the guy who really needed it here. There was a need here wasn't there.

In college, I did experience a missions trip to Mexico with some friends. We went to a border town in Jalisco and played games with the kids, handed out used clothing, and washed some fo the youth who really neeeded it. But the experience has an economic feel to it. I was out to get something from the experience. I did walk away from it with a better sense of myself, as though I had done my part and could now go back to school and not feel guilty about partying. It felt as though God would give me a pardon for my partying because I had served the poor. My card was punched. As I reflected on this experience, I wanted something without the economic exchange, something deeper.

A friend of mine mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago that he helped serve with a local homeless shelter. He was even able to include his kids in the process and they loved it. I took my family last week really wanting to just love, to be available to whatever was in the moment. I didn't want any economic return out of it. I just wanted to love. When we got there, there were more volunteers than homeless people. There was nothing to do. I tried not to be disappointed but I was.

As I drove home with my family, looking for some place to grab a Taco, I reflected on the experience. What it did show me was that I live in a pretty safe world. Outside of this little homeless shelter, there isn't another place like this. The fact that I live in a community that has little to no homeless should be a good thing. Folsom is also home to one of the nation's most famous prisons, made famous by Johnny Cash. But in reality, I don't hear about the prison at all Its neatly placed behind the hills and you have to really look to notice its even there. A good friend of mine works there but I don't see him much beyond days at the clubhouse pool, and it never seems to come up.

As I munched on my Taco that evening, around our Pier One glass table in our convenient breakfast nook, I wrestled with my own experience with need. It made me wonder if I had created a cocoon around my family to insulate us from a world that needed love. I really didn't know anyone with needs in the traditional sense. I didn't know anyone who wondered where their next meal came from or how they were going to pay for the lights. Suburbia had driven me to a pretty safe life.

I'm not brow beating myself. I am in the beginning stages of exploring what I believe is what I am created for, to love. But in that journey, I am beginning to wonder what walls I have created for myself that keep me from being who I am.

Jesus calls us to love the poor, the sick, the broken-hearted, and the fatherless. I wonder if by selecting those who have no capacity to give back with anything other than a smile, we can remove the economics from it all. By removing the economics, or return on investment, I wonder if I will discover something deeper about giving than I am presently aware of. I say that with an expectation of "yes". When I really think about it I think people like Mother Theresa, who serve those in greatest need, had to know something more than I do. There just has to be something deeper there that would allow them to serve in what is widely considered "hell on earth". I wanted to discover that something.

But to do so requires me to tear down my walls, and to enter an unsafe world. A world that is messy. Am I ready for messy? I want to be. Oh this heart of mine.

Tonight I found this really great ministry organizations called Angel Food Ministries. My heart leaped for some reason. It seemed like a really great idea that I could explore with my family. The idea is fairly simple and the volunteers simply help distribute food to the poor who need it. I like the simplicity of it. I like the name, the idea, and that I can bring my children with me.

We'll see what happens.

Welcome to the Journey

2005-04-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

I may not know you but I already like you.

That may sound strange at first, or even exhilarating, but its true. You see I'm on a journey to discover what it means to be truly alive in this world. And what I am learning right now is that I truly desire to discover what is good around me. I want to look into the eyes of each person I meet and imagine the best of who they are. I want to see what God has designed them for and see that with them. I am learning, sometimes the hard way, that seeing the best in someone is so much more valuable that seeing their worst. As much as it may affect you, I find a sense of selfish-altruism in my desire for it. I like the way I feel when I see something beautiful in you. It reminds me of what I enjoy about life and that my viewpoint is my canvas of life. I want to fill it with something interesting to look at.

I can't take credit for this eyesight. It actually learned it from my son and his incredible ability to make all those around him feel deeply important, good, and special. It makes me love him so much...damn, I get choked just thinking about it. His life makes me ask so many good questions. Why is it so easy for him? Why can he just love so wonderfully? I long for that.

I invite you to join me in conversation about what this means. All feelings, thoughts and expressions welcome. But I do ask that you bring the positive to your thoughts. Let me see what is best in you and what you valuably contribute to this world. I hope to do the same.

About Me

2005-04-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

I must first say that I love the opportunity God has given us to figure out this journey of trust. Although its not as simple as I would like its still worth it every day that I wake up. I'm going on my fourteen thousandth day and it still surprises me what each day brings. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thank you for taking the time to get to know me. That is a gift to me. I hope that through my discoveries you will walk away with something so much greater than when you arrived.

My life is simple to be honest. I love my Heavenly Father and deeply appreciate the love he has given me. I still look at my wife with awe every time I see her smile, even after ten years of marriage. I have three children that provide me with a glimpse of the purpose of life; love. I love to love them and when they smile at me, I cannot help but know that I am blessed in such profound ways.

I love to work. Not in an obsessive way, but in a contribution sort of way. I love to see how good things can become and work provides an artistic expression of my heart, mind and hands.